innEr miNd tHeatRe~o_0~

2012-01-26T20:14:00.000-08:00

i saw a vaginal delivery.

need i say more.

well, maybe.. but later.. now, im just going to.. reflect on what i saw..

+_+

thank you!!

2012-01-20T21:48:00.000-08:00

okay,

so it was kinda a good night after all.

I'm really grateful and thankful for all those who came to the 'game' night.

to be honest, i was only half expecting it.. =p

but, i really do appreciate the thought and the effort, that was really nice.

i'm really sorry for almost not making to it.

i was feeling really down from the whole universe thingy, and really didnt feel like having a ball..

it was nice to see people that i havent seen in a while.

at first i thought that it might be, but it could be not, so didnt want to be all excited about it, then when things started happening, i was really wishing that it wasnt because if it was and i didnt show up, taht would be a terrible thing to happen and very terrible of me to let it happen..

but after seeing S and P really trying, i thought.. yes, it definitely was..

i'm really sorry for kinda ruining the suprise.

i really liked it.

i just wasnt feeling very well myself.

okay, now i'm sounding terrible again.

I REALLY APPRECIATE it..

i jsut dont expect anything from anyone. so anything is totally fine.

even if it was just a thought. =)

so thank you. really. from the bottom of my heart.

love,

Iman

Universe is against me..

2012-01-20T12:15:00.001-08:00

Today has not been good..
I have no idea what is so hard about asking someone one simple question. What is so hard about understanding. I mean, he/she could have easily asked, it's not a difficult thing to ask. If it had been hard, just say no! I'd totally understand and could have planned my day accordingly without all the extra hassle.
Then, I had to forgot my handbag.. I'm such a klutz.. Such a.. I'm so angry at myself.. And at the circumstances that made me rush out the door just because of someone inadequacy to ask a simple question, im really sorry. I don't usually show my anger to someone on my blog, well, that's a lie. But usually I'm more polite or at least discrete about it..

And what is with everyone trying to.. Well, I really appreciate the offer and I possibly do have an idea what's going on..

But my muscles are all tired, my stress hormone level is so high that I'm really on the verge of exploding..

Just.. What theeeeeee!!!!

Give me a break already..

I'm turning 23! Yes people 23!

Don't argue how old i am.. For once, jz let me be whatever I wanna be..

Im shaking from angry, sad, happy (tht ppl care, yes u), stressed.. I feel anguish.. Yes, for once, I'm anguished..

So please just.. For once.. Let me have a good weekend.. Or at least a day of peace and happiness..

Love,
Iman
- Posted using BlogPress from my awesome-ness

BEWARE! chip handler..

2012-01-19T13:30:00.000-08:00

hi people.
yes, i have issues with shopping..
i'm currently waiting for a list of stuff that i bought online.
Yay!
well, it is my birthday right?
i guess i do have some other actual issues tht i'm using shopping as a way to get away from..
Was reading a book on the consolations of philosophy, where de Botton said that people who goes for luxury options have other issues that actually is the problem.
I guess, until i entirely get rid of my other issues, i'll never be satisfied with material stuff..
but im getting there i think.
at least its not getting worse or anything..

what did i got for myself?

so, have u guys ever ate chips while watching a movie or playing games.. or even worse, playing an iPad.. then ur greasy fingers will contaminate the innocence of ur iPad screen.. ewww rite..
tadaa!!
its a finger thingy that u use to pick at chips..

next, i'm really not so organise when it comes to purses.. my bags are a mess.. so i bought this bag organizer thingy to.. well, organise my bag..

and for those who didnt know, i bought myself an iPad last christmas. yep, bought it myself.. u can say its for my birthday, and for my education i guess.. since i put all my lecture notes and books in it.. (of course with some solitaires as well..)
so of course i needed to dress up my new little baby..
i've always seen those people who always do like a perfect on top of their head buns.. so i saw this thing and wanted to give it a try.. =)

next, will be my guilty pleasure.. the makeup..
well, not exactly makeup, but makeup appliance. the appliance makes bad makeup good, because even the best makeup can look blaah in the hands of an amateur who uses bad appliance..
so, if anything, if ure thinking of going into makeup, might as well invest in good brushes and stuff than buying branded makeup stuff.. well, saying this.. i'm a bit different i guess.. i'm kinda hooked and theres no turning back for me.. but, if u're not hooked, GET AWAY!!
before its too late..

anyways, i got myself a special treat, a special brush set from sigma.

and then..
and then..
okay, i need to stop..
*closes all tabs..and walks away*

yes, i have problems.. i dont get enough --------- and ---- and sighs.. whatever..

thank you to everyone for everything. its not that i'm not grateful, its just that..

sighs..

whatever..

new year resolution?

2012-01-14T19:43:00.001-08:00

now shall we do this? living life i mean..

Thoughts of the moment: The sweetest thing

2012-01-14T19:38:00.000-08:00

I'm SOOOOOOO gonna re-BLOG this!!!!!

Thoughts of the moment: The sweetest thing: "I'll give you one special shot"

What i want for my birthday.

2012-01-14T17:32:00.000-08:00

Dear family members and friends.

Since its barely a week till the day that i turn 23, i shall now let you know what i want for my birthday. Dont worry, its not going to be a short list, it will be long and lengthy so that you guys can choose one from the many options.

I've never actually look forward for my birthdays, or my birthday presents. Usually, if there is something that i want, i will try and get it myself. No point asking from people, who might or might not give it to you, when the success rate is always almost 100% if i ask from myself.

But, this time. I'll make it an exception. Because all i will ask from you guys is:

Love.

Yes, love. thats all i need..

Just kidding. Nope. duh! why would i want love, and affection and attention..

nope.

what i want is time. time out of your life.

Now, lets go in order.

If you have this time to spare:

1) 1 second: just notice the facebook events

2) 3 seconds: just notice the facebook events and say "oh, yes"

3) 7 seconds: just notice the facebook events and say "oh, its her birthday"

4) 10 seconds: just notice the facebook events and try to remember who Iman A.Latiff is.

5) 30 seconds: just notice the facebook events and go click my profile to see who i am, look at some pics.

6) 45 seconds: just notice the facebook events and go to my profile and leave a "happy birthday to you" comment

7) 60 seconds: just notice the facebook events and go to my profile, look through my photos and then leave a comment on my wall.

8) 5 minutes: just notice the facebook events, then had to go for toilet break, then came back and leave a comment on my wall

9) 15 minutes: just notice the facebook events, then had to go for no 2, then came back and leave a comment on my wall.

10) 30 minutes: just notice the facebook events, then open a new tab for profiles of 10 of your friends who have birthdays on the same day (or week or month) and going through all of them and finally got to my profile, and leave a comment on my wall.

11) 1 hour: just notice the facebook events, then really-really trying to remember which Iman is this. Why dont i know her? only to realize she is your friend's sister's cousin's auntie's daughter's friend. And just leave it at that.

12) 1 hour and 30 seconds: just notice the facebook events, then really-really trying to remember which Iman is this. Why dont i know her? only to realize she is your friend's sister's cousin's auntie's daughter's friend. and leave a "happy birthday" comment.. just because..

13) 8 hours: just notice the facebook event 8 hours later because of time zone difference. And then going to my profile and leaving a comment.

14) 9 hours: just notice the facebook event 8 hours later because of time zone difference. And then going to my profile and think and contemplate whether to leave a comment or not.

15) seriously, i dont think anyone who dont actually remember my birthday will take more than 10 hours to finally realize it and then will do anything about it 10 hours later. But if you did.. good for you. seriously? 10 hours for someone you barely know?

And of course, this does not really apply to family and real friends.. as in not the just on facebook friends.. (no offence to those 697 facebook friends that i have, i love facebook.. i do.. but..)

i do expect my family and best friends to at least remember it and probably spend a little of their time. for maybe a text msg? or a call? or a skype call? or at least having me in their thoughts for a day. And by best friends, i dont have labels for my friends, best friends are whoever who consider themselves being my best friend.

That is all i expect from people. And this is real and honest expectations. Time is more precious i guess.

Although, materials stuff/presents are nice as well. But like i said. I can get those myself.

But, for those people who still are raking their brains to look for something that i like.

Well, lets just say, that nowadays, i'm looking for something that i can keep for a long time. or at least something practical. Something either light brown, or navy blue (actually, red, beige or taupe). Something i can.. dah cukup2..

No, really. I dont mind, like i said, if there is something i want. I'll really go get it my self. I like buying presents for myself anyway. As long as you have me in your thoughts, it will be nice if you spend that extra 30 seconds to write something more than just "happy birthday!".

Love,

Iman

p.S:

p.S.s: i honestly. dont want anything, just spend some time on me.

p.s.S.s: thank you mummy and daddy! and my sisters! and everyone. for everything that everyone has given me all these years. i really do appreciate everything. down to the last puzzle piece. =)

2012

2011-12-31T03:22:00.000-08:00

1. i will be celebrating new year in the plane.. T_T sad..
2. so i will have 13 hours of alone time to review my 2011.. and plan ahead for 2012.
3. everyone seemed to be getting married soon..
4. like everyone seem to be getting married around cny time which is around my birthday.. sighs
5. do i want to get married?
6. maybe.. but not in a hurry.. i guess one day i'd like to..

here's to 2011!! and here's to coming 2012!!

love,
Iman

retired Chaperone

2011-12-26T10:56:00.000-08:00

busy-busy bride, on wedding day oso can still hold handphone.. =)

it was all worth it.

the wedding was sooo beautiful.

it was exactly like how she wanted it to be.
the moments + the right song + the right cake + the flower + the place + most importantly with the right person.

I think i've always been their greatest supporter.
I've seen them through ups and downs.
I've been with them through rain and shine.
And i always know that at the end of the day, nothing else matters because they have each other.

To have gone through what they went through all these years and still be together.
Actually, they have always been supporting each other through it all.
They have seen each other's pet peeves and still believe that they are meant for each other.

Even though, i'm probably not the best person to say this, but i think the 2 things that is important in a marriage are TRUST and TOLERANCE. At least that is what i want in my future marriage.

I want to be able to trust my other half and in turn gain the same trust from him. (no one in particular.. yet?..)

And, i want to be able to know all his good and his bad side and tolerate it as best as i can. Never try to change the other person. Accept them as they are and love them as they are. I want to be able to wake up in the morning, while looking like sh*t and still he will love me as i am. =)
And in turn, i will love him even though he doesnt put down the toilet seat or don't push the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube.

And the two of them have those. They have trust and tolerance for each other. Insya-Allah, with God's permission, they will live a long and happy life together. =)

To the Groom: Congratulations and Welcome to the family. Take good care of my sister like you have always done. =)

To the Bride: Congratulations! You will be (are already) a good wife. I'm sure you will take good care of your husband and future family. Don't worry too much about us. Remember, its 4+1(+1). Not 5-1. =)

To the both of you: I wish a prosperous and happy live ahead. May Allah bless you with all the happiness in the world!

love,
Iman

p.S: i can now finally retire as their chaperone. =) coz they dont need one anymore.

p.S.S: 1 taken, 4 more to go. which one will go next?

dont want lar like this..........

2011-12-23T10:22:00.000-08:00

this is getting a bit too much..
i was here since monday and there was almost nothing she wants done..
kept on saying there's lots to do but never anything specific need done, then just told me to take care of bride, siap suruh bring to Hammam some more. And when i brought the bride for a mani pedi, she marah2 saying this and that..

and when the other 2 camaraderie is here, suddenly everything made more sense. She dont even marah2 anymore..

and today, i had to send people back to their hotels and the temporary maid. I tried getting someone to accompany me since sarah and me just recently talk about hantu/voodoo and all..
Alas, no one wanted to.
So i jz went.

and when i get back late. kena marah..

Goodbyes

2011-12-15T11:39:00.000-08:00

i was on facebook just now and found out their new thing which is called the timeline.
Basically you can put your entire lifetime worth of memories on a page.
Getting to know people just got a lot easier.

It got me to think about my friendster account, because i was using that way before facebook came into action.
On the page, i couldnt login coz i cant remember my password of course.
Which made me reset it, and to reset it has to be sent to my yahoo email account.
Which i havent use in years.. Of course now there's like more than 3300 in my inbox.
And when i checked my account settings, apparently i have accessed it from india and brazil just a couple of hours ago.. its soooo dodgy..
So, i made the decision to close it down.

Now, my yahoo email has been with me for years and years. It was my first ever email, and erm.. you guys can probably guess by the yahoo ID (ladyzeus_2020), how old the email has been.
It was way back maybe in 1990s? maybe when i was 9?
I was sad to see it goes. But i needed to do something about those basta*ds people in India and Brazil who have been using it for god knows what.. i dont want to be liable for any of those dodgy things they do..

so it was goodbye yahoo mail.. i'm probably going to do a new one if i ever need to.

which brought me back to friendster...
it.. changed..
i have nothing else to say.
if ever any of you curious, go check it urself..

of course i had to deactivate and terminate it as well.

goodbye friendster. i'm definitely not turning back.

While on the topic of goodbyes, how about all those people on facebook that i probably met once, maybe know each other from school, but not really are friends with them.
I mean, some of those people i probably NEVER spoken to.

And how about saying goodbyes to someone you can't live without? Have you ever imagined yourself having to do that? Is goodbye really a goodbye? as in never-gonna-see-you-again goodbye?

love,
Iman

Just because i'm currently doing O&G

2011-12-14T21:08:00.000-08:00

i just realize that everytime i feel like this, its always because i'm at a certain stage of my cycle. Just before ovulation i think?
What is this feeling i'm talking about?
Its kinda like a melancholic feeling of missing someone or everyone.

Okay, so maybe it is just someone.

It's like my body have (oooh.. dejavu moment)

It's like my body have this receptor to him, that reacts to either LH or oestrogen or both.
Like just before ovulation, the oestrogen level increases enough for LH level to surge causing ovulation.

Maybe when my oestrogen levels are high, it interact with the receptor making me feel like this.

And maybe its because of all this babies i've been seeing at the GP placement i'm currently doing.

Babies>^oestrogen>^LH>ovulation>babies is supposedly the cycle that makes us female.

thats it.

Love,
Iman

Weddiing blues. or reds.

2011-12-14T15:42:00.000-08:00

the wedding dates is getting nearer.
Not mine of course.
My sister's.

I was thinking of what makeup to wear.
Was thinking of a red lip.
like this.
or maybe more of a blushing girl.
like this.
for the Nikah ceremony, we (the sisters of the bride) will wear a red baju kurung.
And for the reception, we're all wearing kinda gold baju.
I havent really designed mine yet.
was thinking of something like this.
This is a design by rizman ruzaini. They're pretty famous now in Malaysia. Some of their designs are GORGEOUS. I like how the skirt moves when the model walks.
I was thinking maybe similiar top using the gold lace that i've already got, and make a long A-line skirt using satin and chiffon.
The initial plan was a fish tail skirt, but then i feel like its probably gonna make me look like a Dugong instead. So then i wanted something like a sarong skirt, kinda like a pencil skirt shape but using satin and chiffon layered together.
Now im thinking maybe i should do this kinda skirt instead.

What do you think?

Sunrise at Fuji-san

2011-12-09T06:32:00.000-08:00

This next book that i'm going to present to you is a book called "Chasing the Sun"
I've only read the kinda like prologue "Sunrise at Mount Fuji"
It kinda made me feel like i want to go and climb Fuji-san right now, i mean hypothetically, at sunrise just to see what he meant when he was decribing what he saw.

The story kinda reminded me of when my sister and my dad went and climb this one hill just to see the sunrise. Maybe i'll do that too one day. With my dad and my sisters.

This book is basically a book dedicated to the big and shiny Mr Sun.

Not just from the scientific angle, but also from the religious side, myth, philosophy, art, and uncategorisable adventures.

Why i bought it?
Because its interesting, no? I mean, the sun is something that we all take for granted for, knowing that its there, but not actually noticing it there. We hope for sunny weather and curse when the sun plays hide and seek with the clouds. And thats just about it.
Many people might not realize it that, without the sun, we (the human race) would probably never have the concept of working in the day and sleeping at night, because there will be no day and night.
In a way, the sun do affect the human's (and many other animals) bio-rhythm or some sort. When the sun rises, we wake up; and when the sun goes down, we prepare ourselves to sleep.

Imagine a world without the sun. There will be no difference in time. In fact, there will be no concept of days, weeks, months and years. Since a year is the time it takes for earth to revolve around the sun.
But i guess, humans are adaptive to its surrounding. If the sun never existed, maybe we probably wouldnt be the way we are now. We might have wings, are blind and eat only fruits (reference to one particular animal); that would also solve the world's beauty problem. Since everyone is blind, no one will care what you look like. Except, maybe if you have big wings, small wings, better sonic etc..

nways, yes. This book "Chasing the sun" by Michael Cohen.

love,
Iman

Obliquity and popcorn flavoured ice cream

2011-12-08T18:40:00.001-08:00

So, one of the book lot that i bought is 'Obliquity' by John Kay

What's it about?
Well, as the title suggest, its basically about the concept of obliquity, which is when the most profitable company usually is the one that do not chase profits aggresively, the wealthiest people are usually (usually, not all the time) are the one that is not materialistic and the most applicable of it all, the happiest people are the one that do not pursue happiness.

Happiness.

I had a talk with one of my friend, on like, what is the definition of happiness.
She said that government should try help people gain happiness. Or did she? hmm, something like that i think. Sorry, it was a long time ago.

The book basically describes that people usually get what they dont particularly want at the moment. It says " why our goals are best achieved indirectly"

I do believe this concept is true to some extent.

I havent actually read the book, so i cant comment on the whole book.

But the concept itself, is very applicable to everyday life.

One very popular example would be when me and some of my friends were talking about getting boyfriends. Yes, this was a couple years ago. It's the in-thing at that moment. Having a boyfriend that is. I mean, at that time, a lot of our fellow peers have boyfriends, husbands, childrens, etc.
It was a lot of pressure to us single ladies.

We were talking about why is it that girls who have a boyfriend will almost always get a new boyfriend as soon as she lets go another one.

Why is it that this girl (no one in particular, honestly) who already have a boyfriend, will seem to attract other guys to her, when we (the single ones) who most definitely wanting a boyfriend, seem to never got any guys approaching us.

Well, that night came to a conclusion with us deducing, that maybe we should all get a fake boyfriend. That maybe, since we were never 'in the market', guys just dont think we're available or interested.
To all the guys out there, ALL girls will almost definitely be interested. JUST freaking get ur balls together! << see, this is why i dont have a boyfriend. I probably have more guts than them.

ANYWAY, back to Obliquity. Basically, what i was trying to say is, after a couple of year, i have come to the conclusion. I dont want to 'want' to have a boyfriend. I dont want to hope and wait and look for one. My sister use to tell me, this things will come rolling when the time comes.
So i guess, i'll just sit back and wait for a square box to try with its might to come rolling.

Well, in this case, the concept really isnt proven since i still do not have a boyfriend.
But, the main point is at least, i'm much happier. I dont think i'm ready to have a boyfriend anyway.

I mean, then u have to text, call, skype, whatever with them all the time.
I just dont have the time.
I dont even skype with my family. (Sorry my dear family. You guys know i LOVE you no matter what right!)

Just one tiny itsy-bitsy contradiction

Not the book, just in general.

I dont know if any of you read that book called "The Secret". It was quite famous couple of years ago.
Anyway, that book basically said that if you want something. You should think as if you've already got it. As in, like if you want to be a doctor. You should be able to imagine yourself as a doctor. Think like a doctor. Act like a doctor. And so on.

Basically, it is saying that if you have a goal, you should go for it. Ask it from the universe (or God).

This way of thinking is congruent with the thinking that like attracts like. That the universe will basically give you what you want if you 'want' it enough.

So, which of this concept do you think is right?

I mean, of course nothing can be one or the other. I guess, both could be applied in life.

*tells self, I DONT WANT POPCORN FLAVOURED ICECREAM*

love,
Iman

Scary change

2011-12-07T07:17:00.000-08:00

The others are moved yesterday..
I'm sad.
It's kinda daunting to know that i will soon live with a family with 3 kids, probably running around in the house.
I keep on making comments like i'll just get a BOSE headphones to help me study.
It actually might work. But, its still kinda scary.
Any change is scary.

But, life goes on.

Change or no change.

on the note of being scary.

Here's a picture of me doing the infamous Black swan makeup.

Love,
Iman

Last Sat-day night!~

2011-12-05T13:43:00.000-08:00

Saturday was cold.

Planned to go to Busaba Eathai with Sarah and Emey, of which i totally missed the time because Sarah had texted me on my other phone. Was my fault for not checking. So when i called her at around 3.xx asking when to meet, she said we were suppose to meet at 4.. *sighs*

So quick makeup and dress up, and off i go. I wanted to take the bus to Liverpool Street and then take the tube. Alas, i missed the stop and had to stop at the next bus stop.. which turn out to be near mansion house because of detour.. So Embankment it is, then i'll walk to covent garden i thought.

At Busaba, i had, what i think will be my signature meal there, Thai Calamari, jasmine rice, morning glory and guava collins. It was, yummy!

Sarah+1 and emey wanted to go to WinterWonderland, of which of course i wanted to go. But, when i left house at 4pm that day, i was also thinking of a certain thing that i wanted to find; a scarf, a wooly warm scarf for the coming winter chills.

So i told them, "you guys go ahead, i shall meet you guys there, i just need to pop over at COS to find a scarf. JUST the scarf"

And so we parted way somewhere infront of the Covent Garden Station, as i walk towards Leicester Square for COS.

In COS, i was looking at a couple of scarf and finally decided on a nice 65% wool navy scarf. In and out.

Outside COS, i decided to walks towards Leicester Square as the station is nearer to my next destination, Hyde Park Corner, also because i remembered how packed Covent Garden Station was.

At Leicester Square, there was lots of people anyway.

After Huffing and Puffing my way through the crowd, i finally reach Hyde Park Corner.

Outside the station, i got a text from Sarah saying that WinterWonderland is closed due to overcrowding, and that they (S,M,E) was at a Starbucks somewhere near Embankment.

Panic, i called Sarah and took the first bus i saw was going to Piccadilly Circus.

She said they were probably going to go back after that, so i decided to just stay on the bus en route to Piccadilly Circus.

At Piccadilly Circus, first thing i saw was a Waterstones across the Street. I made my way inside.
It was HUGE~! It had 5 floors including a Costa cafe and a cafe/bar on the 5th floor.

I made my way to 4th floor for medicine/sciences. i felt like i was in a library. So many books to choose from. After gathering about 5 books from different genre including philosophy, social sciences, anthropology.. i decided that i cant buy that much book at that time, so i decided to look for cheaper alternative, either Amazon or eBay. I found some of the books was only 0.01+2.80postage.

In the end after much deliberation, i bought 3 books there, 5 books on amazon, and 19 books made its way to my Amazon WishList..
~the thoughts of a new bigger bookshelf made me crave for new books..~

it also reaffirms that i'm probably never going to cease buying books even if i have a kindle or ebook reader.. =p *sorry trees*

This awesome youtuber~

2011-11-13T19:39:00.000-08:00

this is by far the most complex lyric ive ever encountered.. i'd say 90% of the lyrics are not what normal malaysians would use.

one word: LOVE!

wait, one word is not enough. If you check her other videos and original songs, she's very original and unique. You're never gonna find someone else with this style.

xx

an awesome blog!~

2011-11-13T18:27:00.000-08:00

Okay, so this might be a tiny bit biased since its my little sister's blog.

But, seriously. go check out this blog

Its basically a life in japan blog. mainly the food. Lots of food.

I want japanese food~

Maybe tomorrow i shall get me some japanese food..
Or korean..

oooh, korean.. =)

xx

wonderful life

2011-11-11T21:01:00.000-08:00

i..
dont..
know..
what..
to..
write..

oh my, i havent blogged in a while, and i think im starting to forget how i use to do it.

well, we can start by some updates about me.
there's none. well, at least, there's nothing new. I'm still the same old me.
i might have matured, just a tiny bit. In that i dont worry as much about not having a boyfriend, like i used to in the last couple of years.

okay, so there is this one thing. i used to have a crush on this one guy, long time ago. BIG crush.. it was so huge i used to have dreams about him. not the weird or horny dreams. more like, something i'll never have type of dream. for example, one time, in the dream, he was looking for me and i was trying to hide from him because i was too embarass about the time i confess to him. in another dream, he was holding out his hands, and i was about to reach for it, then i felt like it shouldnt be. <24 in 2 months.."

and he didnt particularly diffused it, in fact, it was worse. he went on saying things like "dont you think by this age, we should be doing something with our life"

dude, one thing you never do it remind a girl how old she is. or the fact that she's getting older. or the fact that she havent accomplished anything in the past 24 years..

well, i wasnt really that affected, i mean, he was a close friend, so i didnt really mind.

but, i did felt a tiny shriek about to come out. i was definitely fine with my birthday coming, until today..

sighs..

BUT, that being said.
i think i've pretty much lived my life the best that i could. I mean, i might not have the perfect life or whatever, i might not have experience as much as some other people, but i think i did quite alright. I'm never the kind of person to compare anyway.
Why compare your life with some other people?
I have made some mistakes in life, of which made me grow as a person.
I may have not make the best choices in life, but that is okay because who is to say what is the best choice?

Life is wonderful, aint it?

xx
Iman

old gossip..

2011-11-02T21:49:00.000-07:00

A and B (both bloggers) had a huge catfight.. A was accusing B of having done plastic surgery. A was known to have done it and has no problem admitting it, while B was vehemently denying it. And when the truth came out (in form of old pictures.. yes people, they will come back and haunt you), B just tried avoiding the whole subject. Seriously, the youtube video showed her being all fidgety and laughing it off and said "can you not talk about this".. with her cheeks barely moving.. like at all.. -_-"
seriously, cheeks not moving.. u kno how ppl with botox can move their eyebrow.. yea.. it was that stiff..
saying things like "she's done a lot more work than me or any other people".. B referring to A, saying A has done a lot more 'jobs' than B or any other people..

well, i have nothing against B.. i have nothing against plastic surgery.. hell, maybe one day its going to be my bussiness to make people like it.. MAYBE..

i mean, i do believe that beauty sometimes have to be achieved.. like using concealer under the eyes or on your blemishes. Wearing black or dark clothing instead of white.. etc..
Some people are fortunate enough to be born pretty, some just have to work extra hard..

Me? I WILL NEVER do surgery on my face and facial features.. Even if my nostrils are huge and glaring at the world.. I'm grateful, because that nose is similiar to my parent's (not the same, but similiar).. my eyes? i share it with my sisters. My lips i got it from my dad and also share it with my sister. So facial features are a BIG NO-NO.. it defines who i am..
So what if i have a flat nose and no cheek bones and so on.. at least i look like me.

I was never pretty to begin with.. like i seriously have proof.. but for that, u need to personally see me and ask for it.. coz i keep it close to me.. not cause i'm embarass, but because it will forever reminding me of how i look before. When i said before, i meant before when i was younger.. not before surgery whatsoever..
1. i dont have money to do surgery
2. i'm not concern about my face, im more concerned about my body.. so if i had the money i'd rather spend it on getting slimmer than do anything on my nose, eyes, etc..
3. i dont have the money.. <

10 things for today..

2011-09-27T06:18:00.000-07:00

okay.. so i havent really blogged in a while..
and guess what.. reading my sister's relatively new blog has made me feel like i shud start again..
owh, for those whoever interested.. here is her blog
its basically kinda like a random blog of someone currently residing in japan..
please be nice..

nways.. on to my blog..
i wonder what i should write about..
im in a bit of a pinch coz i dont have much time.. need to run back to the wards.
but here goes..

thoughts at the moment..

1. wow.. that guy is really cute.. well, theres this guy who's staying at the same flat as me in Harlow.. he's tall and built.. like proper built.. and sooo comel.. like he talks a bit funny.. mayb coz he's trying not to talk wales much.. but sooo comel.. dang.. im crushed.. @_@

2. Harlow is boring.. well, nice place.. i really wanna love it.. but so far, not so much.. its in the okay-range.. prob coz its no fun.. sighs..

3. hmm.. cardiff eyh? mayb i'll give it a go.. can u guess? he's from there of course.. haha.. well, it is a pretty place i hear.. its the place not the boy..

4. ooh.. and maybe, i think i'm gonna see him again sometime.. he said he's prob gonna be in harlow again for child health and colchester for obs and gyn.. which is the opposite for me.. bt the timing might be the same.. aaah... *bliss*

5. i mean.. bubble-butt guy was cute.. (tht's last year).. but bubble-butt guy was kinda short.. and tooo pretty looking.. he honestly look like chase crawford..

6. this saturday is the annual floyer raya potluck.. there's gonna be food and mingling session with the juniors.. we're the seniors now.. well, i heard that this years freshers are kinda the independent one.. well, suit urself..

7. the raya potluck.. what am i making? im gonna make vegetarian quorn murtabak.. and ayam masak merah as usual.. and maybe if im nice enough, i'll make some nasi tomato/nasi minyak.. =)

8. omg..omg.. i have some fine tremor from drinking too much caffeine..

9. okay.. im running out of topics to write.. owh yea.. mara still havent given our allowance yet.. it usually happens around the 26th.. or 27th latest.. its already 27th.. im at the brink of insanity.. they still havent given me last year's placement claims.. i mean, i sent my form only days later than mia's and she got hers way in july or something.. i'm about to send in this year's placement claims kot.. im sad..

10. i miss my family..

okay folks.. thts it for today..
picture of the day (POTD): i miss my friends..

so funny lar u ni...

2011-04-28T16:59:00.000-07:00

its always a funny feeling for me to meet people from my past.. its not that i have a funny or shady past. its just that i think ive changed so much that i dont know if they're gonna see me in the same way they did back in those days. and i dont even mean just literal meet, even some people i actually stumbled upon on facebook..

there's this guy who i used to have tiny crush on.. well, u know when ure in high school and u have to have a crush that u and ur frens can go all gossipy about. Like not a serious crush, but those that are fed by ur circle of frens. Anyway, u know the story (u probably dont know) about how i chose medicine right? My bestfriend/childhood friend wanted to do medicine and i kinda followed her. Whilst that is still true story, there's another story on top of that story. The story of how i ended up here in London.

To be entirely honest, ive never really thought about studying in London.. Ive always wanted to do medicine in Australia. Why? That is because i got inspired by that senior who i had a tiny crush on.. well, like i said it wasnt a real crush anywyas.. (yeah right.. ) Anyway, as my story went on, i got an offer to do it in indonesia instead.. which made me felt a tiny bit sad and dissapointed.. then i got over it and accepted my fate. Of which then i got another offer by someone else, to do an a-levels and see where i got from there, either malaysia, singapore or australia. While doing a-levels i decided to apply to go to UK, just coz the application was earlier than aussie and lots of my fren was UK-bound.. And voila~ i ended up in London. Applied another scholarship and i'm off.

Recently i found out that, that particular guy who was my reason i wanted to go to Aussie but ended up getting an offer to Indonesia, went to Indonesia for his medical degree.. How funny is that? How the hell did fate got that twisted? I mean, really? Meaning, that maybe that was the reason i got into that programme to go to Indonesia? who knows? So i guess, maybe its not meant to be, coz now i'm here and he's there. Not that i'm implying there should have been or could have been or whatever.. its just so freaky.. I wanted to go to Aussie coz he got offered to go to Aussie and made it look so cool to go there. Instead i got an offer to go to Indonesia and ended up in London, while he went to Indonesia instead of Aussie and made indonesia seemed cool.. or so.. =p

U're so funny lar fate.. so funny i could cry... T_T

yaaaa...

Dear Daanya~

2011-04-28T13:18:00.000-07:00

isnt she just the most wonderful thing ever.. This is my dear-dear niece that i still havent got the chance to meet yet.. But isnt she just the most gorgeous thing ever? =)
And so chatty too, she's not even 3 months old.. Comel sangat lar Daanya..

I bet you, she's the little princess at home..

love,
Auntie Iman

i want to eat choco but ive already brush my teeth.. bite me!

2011-04-26T15:33:00.000-07:00

recently, i tried to post a post on this blog. As i was writing it/typing it out, i realize how angsty the post was. So i decided to ditch the post. Now i cant even remember what it was about.

i had a conversation with a fren today. She said something like, adults are suppose to already find themselves ideally.
That made me think.. who am i if i already found myself. I want to constantly be looking out for who i am.

‘Sous ce masque un autre masque. Je n’en finirai pas de soulever tous ces visages’, meaning ‘Under this mask, another mask. I will never finish removing all these faces’. (Claude Cahun, Disavowals, London 2007, p.183.)

Everyone seemed to have a mask on, lots of 'em. And we're constantly putting more on whilst taking more off. Will you always be the same person you are yesterday? Maybe, but even if its a tiny bit, i think people change over time. I do believe that people can change, for good or for worse.

Anyway, on a lighter note. I think i'm okay now. I think now my priority is different. I need to achieve the one thing, just one. All other are just distraction.

I recently found out that one of my best friend is now pregnant! =) Well, in fact a few of my best friends are pregnant. But this one particular one that is more special since we're really2 close. I really want to be there for her through it all. I dont care, i'm gonna make myself the god mother of her baby. Babe, i want you to know that no matter what, i'll always be there for u kay! Stay strong! =)

p.S: Kinder BUENO is the BEST!!!!

Idealism

2011-03-25T17:30:00.000-07:00

i'm trying to sell off all my stuff that i havent used and prob will never use..
i really want to jz open up a stall at portobello market and see how much i'll get from all the junks and gunks i can find in my room.. there's some real treasures under all those clothes and books and pillows.. -_-"

okay, so these past few blog entries have been quite depressing.. according to one of my sources.. I'm really sorry for making you worry.. i was just in a really-really-really lots of stress from the exams and assignments.. I really wanna work harder this time. Insya-Allah, i'm back on track towards my original goal; to become a good doctor. Not a super-pandai or super-friendly doctor, just a good doctor, a caring doctor, and be the best that i can.

And now that exams over and assignments have been sent, its really time for me to take a breather. and o.h.m.y.g.o.d.. it is such a relief to know that all that is over.. and imagine, this is not even finals yet.. T_T kowaii deshou ne..

on another note, both my sister in Tsukuba has gone back home to Malaysia, in light of the nuclear-leak event in japan. Kowaii ne.. hontou ni.. Japan is such a strong country. For something like this to happen and them still hanging in there, it is very commendable. They're so powerful that, there are some people who made fun of them.. Shame on you! And people who said that it was Japan's fault that this NATURAL disaster has happen. I dont know much about earth quakes, but i always thought that earthquakes are due to earth-crust-plates movements.. nothing to do with who's fault it is.. its a natural occurence. Anyways, i feel really sad that these people would do such a thing, its like laughing at someone who jsut fell in a puddle of mud.. Would people really do that? When a disaster hits a less developed country, everyone gets together, hold hands, raise money, help out and say "aww, poor you. Let us help you", BUT when something like this happen to a more developed country, you make fun of them and say bad comments about it. I am sad.. And also i'm afraid. I'm scared that if one day something were to happen to my homeland (God-forbid), no one will want to come and help us. =(

It is jsut not right. People are dying, no, people died and many is still missing. It doesnt matter how many thousands/millions/even one; life should always be appreciated. And death is a sad thing.

sighs..

Its such a depressing topic ne? I always thought that no matter how bad a natural disaster is, the silver lining is always the fact that it brought humanity back to the ground. People come together and help out each other. It reminds me that we all are living under the same roof; the vast blue sky. Reminds me that we're all breathing the same air, drinking the same water and are basically consist of the same tiniest atoms.. My mum is a chemist/mathematician/philospher/teacher; even at the tender age of 7, we (my sisters and i) were taught of atoms. She use to say "everything is made of atoms" while pointing out to our hands and feets and everything in the room. As a kid, i use to think that maybe-just maybe we're not really as solid as we think we are. I use to imagine atoms as spherical balls and that we're all consist of really-really tiny balls.. Thats some deep thinking.. =p

Anyways, this is jsut to prove the point that.. we're all the same. Our outside might be different, but deep down inside, to the tiniest core, we're all atoms.. And not just humans, i'm talking about EVERYTHING.. in the largest scale of everything.. As humans, we may have different 'territorial' mark, but we're all citizens of the world. The world where there's is no limits. Of course, not the primary citizenship lar.. Its something metaphorical that i like to think about. And as citizen of the world, it is our duty to take care of it no matter where we are. Take care of its people no matter who they are. Take care of yourself no matter who you are. We're all the same.

Of course that is just idealism.. And definitely, far toooo optimistic to be considered.

idealist.. hmm..

xx
iman

I miss home..

2011-03-20T15:36:00.001-07:00

I miss being at home. No, I miss those days when I use to be so carefree of the world, not a care in the world.. Now, everything seem so wrong.. With everything.. Life seems so hard to live..

- Posted using BlogPress from my awesome-ness

Location:London,United Kingdom

...

2011-03-14T15:57:00.000-07:00

owh.. i hate this feeling.. i feel worthless. i hate everyone and i think probably everyone hates me..
i have exams in a week, which i'm totally worried about since i NEED to get more than 53 for this.. i feel like ive done more this time, but i'm worried if its not enough.. i'm scared..

i basically feel like shit.. =(

iman

Warning: venting content.

2011-03-12T09:36:00.001-08:00

I'm worth much more than that u asshole!

Thts it.

No xoxo
Iman

- Posted using BlogPress from my awesome-ness

Chanel friend

2011-03-12T07:30:00.001-08:00

So I was a bit stressed, boy issue as usual.. So I went to my trusty friend, Boots, for comfort. As I passed by he Chanel counter, the girl remembered me from last time and said hi and all. She was asking how was the stuff tht I bought last time. I said the powder was a bit too cakey if I use the sponge so I used a brush instead. Then I old her I was trying on the sunscreen coz most sunscreen, if I wear under my foundation, will make my foundation look cakey. I asked her if there's any sample co I wanna try it under my foundation. She didn't have any, but then now that we're "buddies" she said is there anything else I'd like to try? She was giving me free samples even tho I wasn't buying anything.. So I got like some serum and he eye makeup remover.. :)
Also, she said next time when they get the sunscreen she'll save one for me.. :)
Isn't she the nicest.. Her name is Mandy and I promise, she'll b my official Chanel person if I need/want to buy anything from Chanel..

Xx
Iman

- Posted using BlogPress from my awesome-ness

flirty-flirt~~

2011-03-09T13:31:00.000-08:00

okay, so maybe it was a bit too early to do that.. -_-"

owh well, its nothing really.. i'm just gonna leave it at that.. if he decide not to reply.. than boohoo.. there's plenty of fish out there.. i wont do the same thing i did last time with B.. I mean, i understand that maybe they want to have a think really.. but like, say lar just that.. but no, they just say, "sorry, was busy".. like yeah right.. whatever dude.. so, this time.. none of those..
i'm not gonna care..

okay, so maybe i do care a tiny bit.. just a tiny bit.. but like my frens have said, whatever it is, he's so far away and we're not particularly in the same circle.. so whats the worse that can happen? Nothing really.. Its not like im gonna see him often (or ever).. so, i really dont have to worry about anything right? its nothing embarassing.. the worse he could do is remove me from his fren list (if he thot i was crazy).. okay, so maybe that is a bit too over the top.. and childish really.. but whatever..

Also, its not like i said anything big pon.. considering what ive said to some guys in the past.. this is NOTHING.. haaa.. i used to be sooo gutsy.. i mean, ive probably confessed to people 3-4 times in my lifetime.. written love letters (i was young okay.. =p), confessed on the phone, confessed in messages.. funny story, the love letter was written anonymously but i think i kinda got caught.. of which i TOTALLY denied of course.. come on.. i was probably 9 or 10 at the time.. or maybe 11..
anyways, this time.. its much less than what i used to do.. i just ask the obvious "r we flirting?"
it does not signify anything right? i mean, its not like i'm saying i like you, nor does it say "lets hook up".. it actually just a question to ask what are we doing?

M said that if i dont ask this, then i'm always gonna be left guessing.. and i guess she's right in a way.. i mean. its like.. whenever i get a msg from him its like.. why did he say that? what does he mean? okay, so maybe i'm beginning to realize that actually guys DONT think like women do.. Women tend to think that guys are always thinking this and that, when actually.. they're not..

So, yea.. there u go.. usually, he's been replying at least once a day.. he havent replied today.. lets see how long he's gonna take this time.. Last time with B, i waited a week than sent him another msg saying that he shouldnt make a girl wait like that and yada-yada.. i mean.. really? come on, say yes or no.. thats not too hard.. no need to b polite if u think u're gonna say no anyway.. thats just gonna make it worse for the girl.. make it as blunt as possible so that the girl can hate u and move on..
BUT, anyway, this time.. i am NOT gonna send anything.. lets just see how he reacts to a simple question like that.. like i said, its not like i confessed or anything.. its down to whether he likes me or not.. i'm not saying i like him.. haha..

I mean, really.. do u know how much courage a girl has to have just to ask that question.. of course i used to have much more courage to be able to confess.. i dont have that courage anymore.. but even asking this question made my stomach churned.. i was scared.. so really the least a guy can do is really have the guts to say something..

i hate cowards.. well, i dont hate them.. its jsut that dont u think a confident guy who knows what he wants just seem more attractive?

what say you?

Love,
Iman

My love~

2011-03-06T17:58:00.000-08:00

few days ago, another joy of mine came thru the mail.. =)
an earring from Talullah Tu. Talullah Tu does AMAZING earrings.. it might be a bit pricey, but its kinda about the same standards as Accesorize, BUT u get much better quality. This is the earring:

And here's a picture of me wearing 'em:
Oh god, isnt it just G.O.R.G.E.O.U.S.. I think i probably buy one or two earring from them every month..

By the way, the makeup that i use for the face:
Guerlain Parure Extreme Foundation in 02 (this is by far the most long-lasting foundation that ive ever own. They really2 stay on for hours and hour.. definitely more than 12 hours, altho i might need to mattify it once during the day coz i like my face matte.)
I powder it with Guerlain Meteorites.
Blusher, i use Chanel's Spring 2011 colour in Espiegle. Loving this peachy-light-pink colour. And it smells gorgeous.
Eyes: i'm using No 7 Mink as an all over lid colour and Maxfactor's Burnt Bark on the outer corner. And i used Maxfactor liquid eyeliner on the lashline and a normal eyeliner for the waterline and tight line (thats the inner eye line)
Lips: I used Maxfactor's lip liner in 02 Blush, Rouge Coco in Chintz and a Lancome gloss in 66.
Owh, also, i used a matte brown eyeshadow from Revlon as an eyebrow colour. Been loving this way of filling the eyebrow, looks much more natural.

Anyways, if u guys wanna do the look, u dont have to use the exact same things.. the eye lids are basically a light taupe-greyish-mauve-brown colour and the outer corner is about the same taupe colour but darker. The blush is just a light peachy-pink colour and the lips is also light peachy pink colour.

Now, if only i can write a critical appraisal with the same amount of passion i have on makeup.. and earrings.. GANBATTE NE!!

love,
iman

just too much thinking..

2011-03-06T11:54:00.000-08:00

okay, so i'm really hoping that particular someone wont be reading this anytime soon (or ever actually).. because that would be i'll-go-die-right-now-embarassing..
so, i'm really starting to think too much again.. what does he think? what will he think of me if i write this or that? what if he thinks i'm really into him when i'm actually fine as it is.. i mean, yea, so maybe it would be nice have someone, but at the same time there are other issues.. and also, what if he doesnt feel the same way. what if he's jsut playiing around? what if I'm just playing around.. eurgh.. its all so complicated.. why cant this thing be simple and easy.. you know like in the movies..
okay fine.. iman.. back to reality..

love,
iman

coffee, makeup, love and all that..

2011-03-04T20:54:00.000-08:00

my coffee has turned cold.. eurgh.. hmm.. actually, it doesnt taste all that bad.. sighs.. who am i kidding.. cold coffee? eww.. i used to drink Starbucks's iced caramel machiato not too long ago.. and by that i mean, ages ago.. then i came to london, and started to drink hot caramel machiato coz its too cold to drink iced coffee.. then i started to just drink no-sugar lattes.. then for a while i started to just drink plain white americano.. coz i realized i didnt like the foamy bits in lattes.. which is why i hate cappucino even more.. too much foam.. eurgh.. but now, i'm back to no-sugar skinny latte.. coz i definitely drink too much coffee.. and i dont want to think about too much on how much calorie a grande no-sugar latte is.. and by that i mean, a few grande cups a day.. -_-"

Chanel just launch this new website on makeup, called Chanel Makeup Confidentiel
Please-Please-Please check it out!! its kinda amazing.. Peter Phillips kinda inspired me in a way.. And the Spring 2011 collection is amazing!! i just bought the blush in Espiegle myself.. It is AMAZING!! If it were me, i would sooo love to get the Rouge Coco lipstick in Peregrina too. and the Peche lipliner. not the nail polishes tho, altho i like the peche necree, it doesnt suit my hands so much.. too pale.. i like bright colours.. not too bright, but at least some colour.. and black perle is just dark.. nothing exciting.. the eyeshadows looks interesting, but i'm not gonna spend that much money on just a eyeshadow palette.. i just dont use eyeshadow as much.. and to be honest, i just have too much that i dnt use. Right now, i'm more interested in clean, polished looks for eyeshadow. Like really neutral colours.

Anyway, tomoro is one of my good fren's birthday, and here in London, she's probably one of my few friends who actually appreciate wearing makeup as much as i do.. =)
and because of that i've planned a really nice combination of makeup as her present. and the best part of it all, the brand i'm thinking of is having a 3 for 2 promotion and on top of that i can use a 5pounds off voucher. =) how cool is that.. i'm thinking of getting her this gel eyeliner which is part of the spring collection, in navy. It is amazing.. i have it too. and i LVOE it!! and since its 3 for 2, the other two item i'm getting her is one of the spring collection's lipstick which is kinda peachy pink colour and one of the mascara. The best thing is if i buy the mascara, there's another promotion in which i'll get an eyeshadow palette for free. So that is 4 items for the price of 2 minus 5 pounds.. isnt that just the greatest combo ever. At first i thought, i wanted to get her a really nice high end lipstick, but then i realized that with the same price i can get her these 4 items instead. and the No 7 brand by boots is actually quite a good quality brand, i think sometimes even better than those high ends one. The colour pay off is great. The packaging, probably not the best, but clean and sophisticated. And the colours are fresh, not-too-crazy and suitable for all ages really. I would imagine it so since Lisa Eldrige is part of the creative team for the brand. She's a really good makeup artist that makes good high quality makeup tutorial videos. And she's one of those that really is un-biased on any brand. She uses all range of makeup brand.

Now where was i, yes.. cold coffee.. now why is my coffee cold? i'm actually on my way to do my SSC critical appraisal. I think it really should not be as hard. I mean, what is so hard in trying to write a 1000 word critical appraisal. In essence, i really should either say whether the paper is good or bad. If its good, why is good. and if its bad, why is it bad. If its good, think about what other things that can be improve. I only need to write 1000 words anyway.. how hard can that really be? 1000 words..

sighs.. i hate critical appraisal.. BUT.. i did get an A last year.. so i guess, i'm probably pretty good at it.. and to be honest, as i'm reading this paper over and over again.. ive got all this questions popping up in my head.. and all these questions are important things that i should write about because they are in essence my critique about the paper. Correct?

So yea, if the paper is not too confusing i actually LOVE to critique it.. love.. love.. i love..
*continue chanting*

On towards the next topic.. fish.. come on fish.. dont u like me too? do u? what say you? come on.. i'm growing really tired of this waiting.. but owh well, i really dont have anything going on pon.. so i dont mind the waiting.. i mean, i can still fish other fish while i wait right? not that there is any fish right now.. but at least i'm keeping the line open.

really.. i dont know.. i dont think i should keep any hopes up.. i mean.. fish IS in another pond.. so.. high probability of nothing happening pon. which is why i dont really have high hopes pon.. i dont know what has happen to me.. was talking to my little sister the other day.. apparently she's fishing with high hopes and said that it was because of what i used to tell her.. and i myself cant remember it.. she said i used to tell her "think of NIKE! JUST DO IT!"

it hit me real hard u know.. thinking about the person i used to be.. was i idiotic or just brave? i dont know.. I really didnt want to burst her bubble so i just went on with it. I really didnt have the heart to tell her that i have changed since then. I mean, look where "JUST DO IT" brought me.. i think that guy still think i stalk him and am probably crazy.. i dont stalk him anymore.. honest.. really.. i think.. i mean, its been ages since i checked his profile.. *hmm.. maybe i shud..*
NO! what the hell iman.. sighs.. well, he was kinda this big great love of mine. Anyways, now that i think about it, i really used to think that if u love someone, it really doesnt matter if the other person love you back. i do remember telling one of my roommate's bf that when he made my fren cried and wanted to break up with him. I secretly took his number from my fren's phone and told him off. I told him, girls just want to be pujuk and i ask him, does he still like my fren? if he does then he shud just continue pujuk her, woo her and all.. even when she said she wanted to break up.. coz at first, he went on and on about her not wanting him anymore.. and how he's just gonna terima whatever decision she makes. I asked him, do u still love her? if u do, then dont care about what she thinks. LOVE can be one sided you know. if u love a person, just continue loving that person regardless of anything. If the person u love is with someone else, then accept the fact, but that doesnt mean u shud stop loving them. Humans are powerful being, we can love so much things at once. Of course, i'm not saying u can be polygamous. But, loving someone doesnt mean u HAVE to be with that person. Of course, if u're with someone u HAVE to love that person only. But that doesnt mean that u cant wish the best for the person u used to love. I dunno.. probably i'm not making any sense. But sometimes, i still think of that big great love of mine.. if only he would think of me too kan? but i'm not gonna b all sad and depressed because of that. Because, i'm pretty sure i will find someone else that will make me feel that way again. Its a nice feeling. Being in love..

I almost forgotten about that.. I kinda stopped hoping and wishing that i will find that person. MAinly because i was thinking way too much into it.. i was wanting one so much that i kinda forgotten how much i want an ideal man. That one man that will make me fall heads over heels for him. That one man that can make my stomach churns and my heart flutter.. and by that i dont mean food poisoning of Atrial Fibrillation (AF).. i mean those butterflies in the stomach, flowery scenes, and things that makes my heart just skipped a beat coz its so touching.

I guess i have high hopes for that one man. but i'm pretty sure he's out there somewhere. One man jsut for me. One that can make me the happiest girl in the world. One man that can accept me just the way i am. One man that will treat me right and care for me. One man that will not make me cry. Or at least feels bad if he did. One man who will treat me like i'm the most important person in his life. One man.

p.s: he has to be taller than me. I really have a BIG, HUGE issue with heights.. =p
i jsut cant accept shorter guys with taller girls. Come on man, where's ur ego? okay, so probably i really shouldnt talk to much on this issue. But really.. come on.. Plus, u know how ppl like to take photos from a higher angle coz they look better. well, if i apply the same principle, isnt it just logical that i need a guy who's taller than me.. haha.. =p

love,
iman

fish friend?

2011-03-02T17:55:00.000-08:00

i hate concealers.. i wish my skin is flawless.. alas, wishing does not make it go away..

i have a love/hate relationship with makeup. they make me feel good and is my way of de-stressing myself. they make me feel good. at the same time, they're an expensive hobby. Not many people understand how makeup is a therapy for me. and also, sometimes i feel like i have so much on that people might judge me for it or something. Leave me alone.. sighs.. its just me that thinks that i know.. but i cant help but feel do ppl think that i wear too much. or is it alright? do i look like i hav too much on? which is why, now i'm gonna try to wear more natural colours. But i just cant resist those really bright lipsticks.. =)

owh well..

love/hate relationship is sooo on trend rite? like with fishes.. i mean, whats going on man? r u in or r u out? btw, jsut watched an old episode of 90210 and they called them fish!! (trout to b specific, fish also).. love IT!

nways, fish.. hmm.. let see, maybe i really should play the hard to get card.. wait, what am i talking about, do i even want the fish? at this point, i dont think i can get the fish.. i can fish all i want, but at the end of the day, i'm here and fish is there.. i dont think i should get any hopes up.. friends i guess?

so what do u think? fish or friend?

xx
iman

scoring?

2011-02-21T17:28:00.000-08:00

i just realized i havent blog in a while..

well, that's jsut me..

i think i am kinda busy.. but to be honest i dont think i've being doing much.. maybe coz all i do is sleep and go to hospital.. which is very sad actually..

anyways, moving on.. few weeks back, i was kinda fishing.. well, not literally. Wait, i've told u guys this story.. nways, there's this guy.. well, i thought i kinda like him.. But, actually, i think it was jsut hormonal/in-the-moment kinda thing. Actually, i think the guy havent actually done or say things that actually would make me fall for him. In other words, it was just casual flirting? ker? i dont know, whatever it is, i too, was jsut casually flirting.. i.e. i wasnt actually falling for him.. duh! i'm not gonna fall for just casual flirting, what the hell.. i'm definitely not that kinda girl.. haha.. *sighs.. maybe that's why i'm still single eyh?*

speaking of which, i seem to realize girls are really not that difficult to please. One of my close friend is currently also in the same position i was few weeks back. Well, she's actively in contact with this guy who seem interested too. I'm definitely rooting for her, even tho mine didnt turn out so well.. Well, to begin with, i'm not that pretty to be able to play flirt2 nih.. my friend on the other hand, is very pretty.. She's pretty and nice, so hopefully the guy can see that. The only thing i dont understand is why she would feel insecure that the guy's ex-gf is the hot-type.. Girl, u're the preferred pretty-ayu-nice type, so have some confident! =)

guys are actually a very visual being arent they? It's kinda easy to tell, i mean, guys would sooo choose a prettier girl over a anything else. Girls on the other hand, although we desire a handsome guy, but in actuality would prefer a nice guy over a hot guy. just my opinion that is..
hmm.. is that why most famous painters are men? Picasso, da Vinci, van Gogh etc.. Maybe it is because men do love pretty things more than women.. No, that statement is wrong. I think men are more strict in their visual affinity, they are more honest in terms of what's pretty and what's not. Women on the other hand tend to be affected by other factors and women in general probably would not say bad things about something, at least not in front of other people.
Well, i guess my argument is actually very weak, and maybe too much assumptions and over-generalisation. So i take back what i said.. Except the fact that men would choose looks over other matters. I mean, yes, people often say that men have 2 kind of girls they like. The trophy girlfriend and the future-wife-type. In other words, the pretty girl to be a girlfriend and the nice girl as future wife. But saying that, i'm pretty sure the nice girl has to at least be a B+ in terms of looks. Where as, girls would choose a nice guy with a D- looks over a A+ look guy who is playboy. But again, that is an over-generalisation. I know some girl who would choose the playboy over the very nice boy.. for reasons i definitely would not understand..
me personally? i'm a very shallow person, but if i were given the choice.. i'd never would stick with a playboy.. might as well stay single.. bt if D- is not too bad, and is very nice and as long as he's taller than me.. then why not.. i can love a D- guy as long as he's taller than me.. hmm.. well, maybe a C+? Hard to say when i dont even know what's A+ and whats' D-.. maybe i should start having a imaginary scale in my head.. of who is D- and who is A+..
hmm.. *giving it a thought*

i think currently there's one guy who is a A/A+ and one guy who is a B. And maybe even tho its very cruel of me.. i think i know who i would put as a D-/F.. This is to say a PURELY based on LOOKS.. the guy might be a D-/F with a really nice personality, but in a ways, i really dont find him attractive at all.. at any level. *I'm really sorry, just personal preference*
The A/A+ guy is definitely out of reach.. Or at least, i'm pretty sure he thinks i'm crazy.. =p
The B guy.. hmm.. hard to say.. depends on where i put myself on a similiar scale.. Thing is i think i'm definitely scoring him way to linearly.. If i were to be strict, i think he's probably a C+/B-?

Now if there were a similar scale for girls.. hmm.. where would i put myself? Lets think about the prettiest girl i know, that's easy, my sisters lar.. *see? this is what i mean by girls being biased* but i truly believe my sister is soo pretty. and lets think of the most less pretty person i can think of. Eurgh.. i just cant bring myself to think of anyone.. hmm.. hmm.. its just very cruel to call someone not pretty (i cant even say the 'U' word).. hmm.. hmm.. okay, i've decided.. Girls only go as far as C for me.. coz no one can be less than that.. other ppl might disagree.. but for the purpose of making this scale works.. i just need a cutoff point.. meaning, any girl who probably less than C would get a C anyways.. and okay lar, my sister is out of the equation.. okay.. i think i've more or less come up with a scale. Now, where i am on the scale? hmm.. quite down there i guess.. -_-" *sighs* its depressing thinking about looks ne?

so moral of the story: Its what inside that matters most.

xx

S.H.

2011-01-24T12:43:00.000-08:00

Dear all,

Today is my official birthday post.. yes, eets es been 2 dez since my beezday (it has been 2 days since my birthday)..but, i hev been een paree u see..

anyways.. i'm not gonna take u on a 2x years journey of how i came about.. no..
i'm just gonna rewind a tiny bit.. to september 2007.
I got this laptop around that time when i was about to fly to the UK to study. Yes, it has been that long.. This laptop has been good, but recently always feverish and making weird noises. I had really bad skin then. Like really. Its not that now its good, but at least now its better.
Here, this is what i looked like 4 year ago..
Horrifying right? And this is not even at the worse time.. This was actually when its not too bad. As in when its acting up, its far worse.. thinking about where i've come so far this last 4 years of my life.. it has been alright. Nothing too exciting happen, but nothing bad.. *remembers*.. oh wait.. well, a couple of things here and there... -_-"

anyways, this is me.. freshly 23.. oopss.. i mean 20.. pardon..

this picture.. somehow.. made some of long-lost fren contacted me again.. i wonder why? well, facebook is a place to reconnect with ppl i guess.. its just weird how ppl you barely knew can feel like they knew you just by going thru the pages and photos, etc. I wonder what goes on beyond facebook. Is ppl not meeting up normally and go out normally and have a chat normally anymore? i'm sure it all happens. But i guess when its not geographically possible to make that connections, this is where internet/facebook comes in place.

on another note..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To my future daughter (first)..
On my 23rd birthday, i found a name for u.. its ur grandmother's suggestion and the middle name is from my best friend/childhood fren's name. S.H.
not gonna tell anyone about it yet.. its gonna b safe and sound in my heart (cewah.. no lar.. i'm forgetful, so into the diary it is.. haha)

Love,
Mummy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

yes, people.. i'm officially crazy/hormonal.. i'm just feeling a bit old.. some of my frens.. well, the no is steadily increasing, are getting married lar, getting pregnant lar, getting kids, and more kids lar.. i feel so old oredi..
and supposedly.. someone said 23 as being "young and ripe, innit?"
is it really? well, ripe lar to get married and have kids i guess.. but ini, calon pon xde.. study pon blum habis.. harapan lar.. can only imagine i guess..

well, thats all for now.. i'm getting sleepy..
nites..

Love,
Iman

1min..

2011-01-21T15:59:00.000-08:00

1min till my birthday.. omg.. what can write in a minute..
err..
this...
im all alone in a room with my mum sleeping.. on my birthday.. sad..

xxx

lost and found~~

2011-01-16T18:16:00.000-08:00

looking thru almost a thousand pictures of myself over the past 3-4 years, ever since i came to london, i realized all the things that i've gained and things that i've lost.

Things ive gained:

experience

knowledge

friends (new and old)

weight

new clothes

lots and lots of shoes

and bags

self-reflection of all sorts

experience

life's greatest teachings - making mistakes

courage & confidence

Things ive lost:

weight

confidence

friends (well, not lost but less in contact with, but if were to meet again, definitely still friends)

clothes and shoes (by wear n tear)

some of my naivety

my smile (at one time)

So, there it is, some of it at least.. life is about constant changes. I may not realize how much ive changed over the years. but definitely, some people out there have seen the changes, for better or for worse.. its up to them to judge it.

Do i care? Not a single bit.. no matter how i've changed, i'm still me. If people think ive changed, maybe they never really knew me. The person i am, i was, i will be..

"if people think ive changed, maybe they never really knew me"

i like that sentence.. i mean, of course not physical changes, that is kinda obvious.

my mom was telling me how ive changed and that it was because she came last spring. Was it really her that changed me?

i dont think anyone can really change a person.. only you yourself can change the person you are.

and maybe, this is the real me, but she never really saw it before? or maybe i didnt want to show this side of me to her before? or maybe i did try to show this side of me to her but she never really remembers this side of me?

who knows really? but i'm pretty sure that she wasnt the reason i change.. i think i'm responsible for the change in myself. i didnt change for anyone.. i wouldnt change for anyone.. in fact, i'm so stubborn, i'd probably end up be the person that they dont want me to be just because..

oh well.. thats all for today..

he's still havent replied.. i'm a tiny bit sad.. *sighs*

iman

little birdie came with news

2011-01-15T16:42:00.000-08:00

i'm pretty much really happy today..
why u may (or may not) ask? because a little birdie told me something really nice..
the sweetest thing ever.. like i cant stop smiling sweet.. like i might get carries if it gets too much sweet.. truly..

i mean, i'm never that kinda girl.. i dont kno what kind.. but.. yea.. it was nice to know..

it made me smile.

i mean..

okay, let start from the beginning..

this is a story i think i ought to tell.. since most people have already know it..

now its not gonna be a sappy story.. nope.. in fact, its just a plain story.. nothing exciting or anything like that, so no expectations okay people..

anyways, there's this guy.. *ahem*i shy lar..*

well, i dont know if i like him or not. i think i do. i mean, i think i did had like a small, tiny crush on him the first time i saw him.. when i said crush, i meant i thought he was kinda cute.

but at that time (3-4 years ago), he had a gf (according to the lil birdie, he's now single)..
i will NEVER b interested in guys who are taken.. thats just who i am.. no matter what they say, i dont think a guy should ever flirt around while they have a gf.. if he really is going to 'break up' with the gf, then wait until he does before u start flirting back.. if he want to flirt2 better b when he's single.. baru manly..

anyways.. so, according to the lil birdie, the guy is now single.

according to some other birdie, he's totally flirting back with me. =)

i really hope he does.

but at the same time i dont want to put too much hopes or anything, if he really does like me.. then, *aha.. malu* >.<

then, its all good. i guess.. this kinda thing ppl dont really talk about it do they? i mean ppl talk about it, but dont really blog about it? =p

i feel for my audience, whoever you are, wherever you are.. i think you guys ought to know..

i know how sometimes (or most of the time), my post are usually very cryptic.. or very non-direct..

but this time, i'm gonna said it loud, say it proud..

yes, i think i like him.

maybe? i think? most probably?

sighs.. i just dont have the confidence to say it out loud and proud.. *sighs*

well, i really am not confident with myself.. i mean, sapelar saya.. hanya perempuan sebelah rumah (next-door-girl)..

so yea, i will keep u updated with anything.. if there is any..

*lets all hope he replies*

Love,
iman

p.S: on another note, mummy just said 'nasi minyak' in her dreams.. i bet u she's dreaming of my sister's wedding.. (or is she? huhu ;))

Happy-mail arrived

2011-01-12T07:36:00.001-08:00

Today my printed photos arrived in the mail.. My family m fren wall is goin to expand!! Can't wait to put it up on the wall.. The give me a sense of safety.. It's like I know they are somewhere in this world missing me too as I am missing them...

I know it might sound vain, bt I think my sisters are all very photogenic.. Well, not vain if I'm not talkin bout myself, innit?

Another thing that came in the mail was my harrods reward card.. In my almost 4 years here, can u imagine, I have NEVER been to harrods.. So yea, I got this card so maybe I'll go.. One day.. Don't know when, bt for sure, one day...

And there was one more, I traded one of my pink Dior lipstick that I almost NEVER wear with this girl.. So today I got the lipstick.. It's Chanel Rouge Allure in Charisma.. It's kinda like a peachy pink colour, almost like a pale coral colour.. Pretty, will definitely be wearing em..

So yea, thts all for today.. Im definitely gonna blog more now that I have a mobile blogging applications.. So expect more stuff to come around..

xoxo
Iman

- Posted using BlogPress from my awesome-ness

for the prettiest girl~

2011-01-11T16:46:00.000-08:00

i made a video again.. finally..
its marry you by bruno mars..
my sister recently got engage.. and she was the prettiest..
i'm sad i couldnt be there in malaysia for her.. =(

i'd do everything so that she can get her perfect dream wedding..

so this song, is for her~ to the prettiest girl

LOVE YOU AISHAH!~~

vulnerability

2011-01-10T13:15:00.000-08:00

i'm a tiny bit scared actually..
i dont really have anyone i can b vulnerable with.. people are either expecting a lot out of me or expecting the worse out of me.. i want to be able to complain to my family at least, but they're totally in a different time zone.. and i cant really tell my mum or she'll get overly paranoid about it..

i'm in general a very positive person.. but how long can i keep on this facade?

maybe.. maybe i should..

....

new year

2011-01-03T20:53:00.000-08:00

in a few hours, i'll be making my way to Homerton hospital where i will sit in a room full of eager (not...) students and listen to lectures after lectures about the human lungs.. i think..

i'm starting this year with an eagerness of, about 75% i would say.. which is not too bad considering ive been doing pretty much nothing for the last 2 weeks..

i'm hoping this year will be better than the last.

i'm hoping that this year i'll talk to my family a bit more.. than just email..

i'm hoping to take more photographs.

i'm hoping to read more books.

i'm hoping to do a lot more meaningful things while i'm in london.

i'm hoping to be more happy.

of course, i'm also hoping that 'he' finds me soon..

but that can be negotiable..

xx
iman

love and other things..

2010-12-30T21:30:00.000-08:00

my first 2 years in uni i was depressed with the fact that i didnt have a boyfriend..
i kept on looking, trying, searching.. alas, it was to no avail. i moaned to the universe why havent he found me yet? i complained and whine.. did some very stupid thing.. regretted it.. did more stupid things.. and regretted it too..

then, i went out on a date with a guy.. and it opened my eyes.. i was just wasnt ready.. or maybe i am but whatever it is, i'm not gonna try anymore.. i'm not gonna try and look for him.. if it happens then it happens.. if it does, i'm gonna do everything in my power to let it happen..

honestly, there isnt much guys to be liked here.. i'll try not to be so picky.. at the very least, i'm hoping he's taller than me. and that he's not an ass, what i mean to say is that he has to know how to treat a girl right. call me old fashion, but i still want someone that opens the doors for you, carry my stuff, ask if i'm okay when i look down.. i want to be pampered..
i'm not a mummy's girl or a daddy's girl.. i'm no one's girl.. which is why i hope at least i can be pampered and spoilt by my man at the very least.. thats not too much to ask is it?

i dont think i can ever go out with a guy who is the youngest in the family.. the youngest usually have a predisposition to be very spoilt.. i've got 3 in my family*.. i know..
(*youngest sister, youngest step-sister, youngest half-sister)

well, that would be the ideal, yes..

anyways, this past year, ive basically stop moaning, whining and complaining about the fact that i dont have a guy in my life.. its sad, and frustrating sometimes.. but owh well, what to do..
like my sister always say "things will come rolling when its time"

so, i'm just letting it all run its course..

xx

retrospective blogging..

2010-12-30T18:28:00.000-08:00

i realized that this year, i had blogged a little less.. i have even wrote less in my diary..
i've always loved writing in my diary and my blog. its where i pour all my hearts out.. and speak my mind coz sometimes i do have a hard time telling people what i'm thinking about.
heck, even my blog's very much encrypted.. i'd be talking about one thing but really meant a whole other thing..

i wonder was the blog/diary/self reflecting thing the reason why i failed? as in i was too busy reflecting on my life, thinking about what i want in life, thinking about what i dont have in my life, thinking about the things that makes me who i am, things that i have achieved and want to achieved... And all those made me forgot my true goal in life. Made me lose my way?

or maybe, on a positive note, maybe this year.. i was trying a bit harder on my studies that i actually forgotten to write about it.. I do miss writing.. it helps..

like whenever i get back from hospital after doing something like suturing a penis, or when i felt down after feel like being compared with my extraordinary groupmates, or when i feel that maybe i'm not too bad compared to them, or even little things such as talking to nice patients..
it gives me some retrospective view of how ive done so far, and how can i improve things.

one of the story that i would have written in my blog:

One day during our Urology week, we were in the surgery theatre and the consultant said "this evening, one of you will scrub in, decide among yourselves."
So, my extraordinary and extra-keen groupmates decided that we'll do a draw.

That evening, we decided to give ourselves each a number from 1-7, and ask the consultant to pick a number.

Honestly, i was just thinking to myself that i'm never gonna get picked.. i NEVER get picked.. its never gonna happen and i'm fine with it.. And as i was deep in my own thoughts, the consultant said "five"

3 seconds..

5? 5? thats me!! wow, i actually got picked.. oh no! i got picked?? me? the one who was fine not being picked over the others who are probably cursing the fact that i got picked..

so i hurried and scrubbed myself in..

and i assisted in the surgery.. yes, me.. ive scrubbed in before, but then i was just doing it to get a better view of the surgery.. This time was different, i ASSISTED.. I hold on to the retractor and hold the small intestines so that the consultant can get a better view. It was a Retroperitoneal Lymph Nodes Dissection (RPLND). Basically, a midline incision was made and then the bowels are moved while the surgeon remove the lymph nodes. I was on fire. I was on ice. I felt like i was on top of the world. The whole time i tried really hard to be as helpful as i could.
The consultant even praised me and said "you're going to be a good surgeon"
I felt like i had a bungee jump from on top of the world and back to the top again.

It was a good experience. It boosted my self-confidence a lot..

I like my group, they're good and keen. It sometimes makes me feel inferior and shoots down my confidence. So having this chance to do this definitely made me feel equals with them.
Like i said, i like my group. Because of them, i had to push myself even further. I tried to be as keen as them.

so yea, i look forward for the the years to come!!~~

xoxo

p.S: i'm trying to write as much as i can before 2010 ends.. today.. haha

goin fishing

2010-12-30T17:12:00.000-08:00

To go fishing, u need a proper image.. i mean proper attire.. *ehem*
u need the proper tools, and proper technique and proper..
eurgh, who am i kidding..

what i mean to say is.. i think im gonna try fishing.. there's this one particular fish that i'm eyeing..
well, right now its still in the testing-the-water-phase..

lets describe him a little..
well, for one thing, this fish is older. he's taller.. oops, did i say 'he'.. i mean the fish is longer?
anyways, let see if the bait is eaten..

p.S: i need to learn how to fish from an expert friend of mine.. sadly the friend is not here currently.. need to wait till the friend comes back.. =)

Seasonal fling~~

2010-12-27T20:02:00.000-08:00

okay.. so i like my caramel machiato. its my ideal coffee. especially if its skinny caramel machiato.
its a machiato so there's no foam that i hate. its sweet but i can always ask for not-so-sweet ones..

but, lately ive been thinking about toffee nut latte a lot.. i mean, its not like i like it or anything like that. But coz i see it a lot, ive been ordering it a lot too. i'm thinking maybe i'm starting to like toffee nut latte.. is it just a seasonal fling?

and then it happened.. slowly, i began to crave for my caramel machiato. slowly, i started thinking, no i dont like toffee nut latte, not in that way.. its more like an occasional thing. i better not start to like toffee nut latte coz i might end up forgetting caramel machiato, and i dont want to forget it.

i need some consult.. sighs..

xx

holiday seasons..

2010-12-27T19:41:00.000-08:00

every christmas i get 2 weeks of holiday.. away from books and exams and assignments..

its a time for me to just relax..

i love the fact that i get to properly take care of my face and my hair..

firstly my face routine..

I use Shu Uemura cleansing oil to cleanse the face.. i use this one below.. Its an amazing cleanser and it takes off my makeup as well. When i started using it, i realized that when i put on my serum/moisturizer, my skin just absorbed everything like a sponge. Its a holy grail product..
Next is my serum, I have been using Estee Lauder Advanced Night repair for some time and i have to say.. Although, there was probably no dramatic changes, but i like the fact that it protects my skin from future damage (sun, pollution, etc). I live in the city where the air is not the cleanest.. and i'm very lazy to put on extra sun protection (bad.. i know). So this really do the trick: Next is moisturizer, which is this one:
Sometimes if i remember i'll put on my eyecream, which is also from Estee Lauder.. its one of the freebies i usually get from the counter when i buy my serum/moisturizer.

I love how the moisturizer dont just sit on my skin but really2 penetrates into the skin. Some other moisturizer will just sit on ur skin and makes it feel and look oily. Not this one, Estee Lauder Daywear Plus is one of the BEST moisturizer i've used. I like it so much, I'm actually on my 2nd tub..

Because of my sensitive skin, i'm always on the lookout for a good facial products. Usually, after i finish one cleanser/moisturizer (or even when its not finished), i'll buy a new one. But so far, i'm quite pleased at my current fave that i've on the 2nd cycle. I usually NEVER buy the same product again.. just like usually i dont buy a second perfume when its finished unless i really2 love the scent..

anyways.. i'm off to sleep now. I'll write about the hair routine in my next post probably.. too tired now..

xx

100 truths?

2010-12-19T23:14:00.000-08:00

And as i promise.. 2nd post of the day..

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 100 Truths about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, copy and paste this note, erase my answers and enter your own, tag people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. Last beverage: tea
2. Last phone call: sarah
3. Last text message: nana
4. Last song you listened to: Gabe Bondoc's Grenade cover
5. Last time you cried: hmm.. havent in a while..

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: *sighs* havent even dated once.. =P
7. Been cheated on: please cheat on me.. haha
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: yes.. maybe.. definitely..
9. Lost someone special: yes.. maybe..
10. Been depressed: most of the time..
11. Been drunk and threw up: tolerance too high.. hahaha.. no lar.. =p

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS:
12.cream/ivory
13.black
14. gold

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)
15. Made a new friend: definitely
16. Fallen in of love: crush on a doctor counts?
17. Laughed until you cried: definitely
18. Met someone who changed you: most definitely
19. Found out who your true friends were: i kno who my true friends are..
20. Found out someone was talking about you: to hell with them.. i'm living MY life..
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: dang.. didnt do tht this year.. ive got 10days to do it?
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: some.. lots of frens of frens and frens of siblings.. =p
23. How many kids do you want?: lots maybe.. but, i dont think i'll hav time IF i become a doctor.. so maybe 2-4? or mayb 5.. =p hahahaha.. owh yea, but not rite now lar.. this question is at a wrong category..
24. Do you have any pets: no.. would love to hav one tho..
25. Do you want to change your name: hmm..maybe.. its so hard having 2 middle names in a western country, especially coz ppl usually call me by my 3rd name (iman) and not my 1st (siti)..
26. What did you do for your last birthday: had a birthday suprise.. =)
27. What time did you wake up today: 3pm? haha.. its the holiday season..
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: surfing online.. =p
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: to finally own an LV bag? to get a boyfriend? can i get both at the same time? =p
30. Last time you saw your Mother: summer 2010, she came and did her sabatical in london
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: hmm.. rite now, mayb my weight.. =p .. owh and my confidence in academic..
32. What are you listening to right now : nothiing.. silence..
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: hmm.. i dont think so
35. Most visited webpage: facebook!
36. Whats your real name: Siti Iman Abdul Latiff @ Siti Nurul Iman Abdul Latiff
37. Nicknames: iman, siti, siti iman, nurul iman, imanul, kak iman, imy
38. Relationship Status: single *winks*
39. Zodiac sign: AQUARIUS
40. Male or female?: as in am i a female or male? ker as in i'm interested in male of female? well, i'm a female interested in males..
41. Primary School?: S.K Raja Muda Shah Alam
42. Secondary School?: SMK Seafield, SMK USJ4, SSAASS
43. High school/college?: MRSM Langkawi, Matrix Johor, KUTPM, KYUEM
44. Hair colour: Currently, not-so-blonde-coz-i'm-asian
45. Long or short: long..
46. Height: 174cm
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: hmm..
48: What do you like about yourself?: hmm.. my height? owh, and my luck
49. Piercings: currently 2, used to hav 5-6.. mayb ill get more later..
50. Tattoos: nah
51. Righty or lefty: righty, but i can use my left hands as well..

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: i never had one.. but i have sutured a real patient! =)
53. First piercing: when i was small.. cant remember exactly..
54. First best friend: Amirah Hanis.. and still her..
55. First sport you joined: hmm.. cant remember
56. First vacation: duh! how can i remember.. hmm.. ill use mira's answer oso.. Balik Kampung..
58. First pair of trainers: haha.lupa lah wei...how 'significant' *mira's answer..exactly*

RIGHT NOW
59. Eating: nah.. just brush my teeth
60. Drinking: water..
61. I'm about to: sleep..
62. Listening to: silence..
63. Waiting on: morning to come..

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids?: yes.. hopefully..
65. Get Married?: yes.. hopefully
66. Career?: yes, hopefully..

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: eyes
68. Hugs or kisses: kisses.. lol
69. Shorter or taller: taller
70. Older or Younger: doesnt matter
71. Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneously romantic
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: arms
73. Sensitive or loud: somewhere in the middle
74. Hook-up or relationship: hmm.. relationship kot.. i think trust and honesty is important..-ish
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: a bit in the middle.. =)

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: mayb... sighs..
77. Drank hard liquor: ...
78. Lost glasses/contacts: no
79. Sex on first date: haha.. no..
80. Broken someone's heart: myself?
82. Been arrested: nope..
83. Turned someone down: maybe..
84. Cried when someone died: i think so..
85. Fallen for a friend?: yes.. =(

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: maybe.. not as much as i need to be..
87. Miracles: lots of times in my life miracles happen.. hoping for another one in bout 2 weeks time.. =p
88. Love at first sight: hmm..maybe but dont think its 'love' love..
89. Heaven: yes
90. Santa Claus: haha..santa pls give me a boyfriend..
91. Kiss on the first date: maybe
92. Angels: i think so..

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time?: like i said, i dont even hav 1 boyfriend, let alone more than 1..
95. Did you sing today?: yes! played the guitar and sing.. =)
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: nah..
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? : hmm.. i think sumwhere in primary school.. when i was..*sighs* an ugly duckling..
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?: the day i pass 2nd year exams.. and my birthday..
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: dont think so..
100. Posting this as 100 truths? : yep..

xx

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

2010-12-19T22:05:00.000-08:00

omg.. 2010 is ending soon.. and i only had 30post this year????
whatta???
i had 55 last year.. how can i hav less this year..
well, i hav been busier this year..
maybe i can make it up.. let see.. 25post in 11 days??

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED..

of course it shall be a proper-blog-post worthy post.. as in not one sentence post..
or can i? ok, thts a bit mean.. bt shall we try and see if i can make more than 25 post before 2011?

...................................................................................

on to the next topic..

i sometime wonder who actually reads my blog..

apparently i do hav some readers..

altho they like to remain anonymous..

its kinda spooky.. its like being in a house alone, but u can feel someone is watching u..

so yea, if u're out there give me a hola, and i'll hola back at 'cha

anyways, today i realize how unsociable i can be, or i am.. i fail at communication.. i mean like reconnecting with old frens and all.. i'm such a lazy person to contact all my old frens, BUT, shud ever we meet again i WILL make an effort so that the bond never changes.. as in I WILL try NOT to be awkward or strange.. i like to believe that even tho we all have changed throughout the years, even tho we all lead our separate lives, we will still be the frens we were back when we were younger..

so today, i made some effort and contacted some long-lost frens.. on facebook of course..
when i saw a friend request, usually i'll react with
-who's this?-owh, from the same school-erm..erm..who? *looks at pic*- ooo..kay.. i think i vaguely remember.. or not.. so shud i add?

the big question...

SHOULD I CONFIRM THE REQUEST JUST BECAUSE WE'RE FROM THE SAME SCHOOL?

i mean its gonna seem like i'm a bitch if i dont, but seriously we prob hav never even spoken to each other? maybe the creator of facebook shud make like acquaintances/friends section.. so ppl who we know but are not friends can still be added and a different section for friends..

i mean really, i think almost everyone on facebook will hav like 500+ friends.. of which i'm pretty sure some they hav never even saw in their life..

i feel that if i dont confirm their add, then im being rude or proud or snobbish or conceited..
but i'm not, truly i just feel that we're not exactly frens are we.. we're ACQUAINTANCES..

okay.. thts all on that.. of course i can go on and onnnn about it.. but.. lets stop at this..

We're all actors..

2010-12-06T10:49:00.000-08:00

hello everyone.. whoever you are..
hope u had a good few months without reading this blog..
anyways, been so busy trying hard to act like a good medical student.

Yes, its all an act. It has come to my attention that almost all medical students are pretenders, and i'm not saying its a bad thing. Some might be very2 good at acting that i can feel their 'fake-ness', but at the same time, patients might not feel the same as i do. What i mean to say is, patients have an image of how doctors are in their head, they think that all doctors should act a certain way, speak in a certain way, dress in a certain way. So, as medical students (and doctors i guess) it is ideal that you try to fit into those images.

Being a doctor is NOT being different/unique, its all about acting a certain way. And of course with different patient the image is also different, so figuring out how to act on all the different types of people is also essential. For example:

1) a young male patient might want a doctor who look more professional so that they can trust you and actually feel that you're competent enough to treat them.
2) an old lady might want a doctor who are more friendly and caring (although, i guess all patient probably want a friendly and caring doctor)

i guess, what i'm trying to say is, being a doctor do rely heavily on acting skills. As a medical student, when first learning how to examine patients, in a way, u have to act it out. For some people, they might even have a script for each and everything we need to do.

For example, my script for introducing myself would be
"Hi, my name is Siti, and i'm a 3rd year medical student (+/- from Barts and the London) and i'm here to do xxxxxx, is that alright with you?"

So basically, it is essentially acting. Of course the knowledge is important to back up anything u might need to explain to patients, but everyone can study and gain knowledge. In my opinion, everyone has the same capacity/capability of learning. Medicine is not that hard to understand that only a selected few may learn it, its actually easier to understand than quantum physics and such, dont you think?

So if everyone can gain the knowledge, what makes a good doctor good and a bad doctor bad?

I have concluded it to patient skills. It is how you interact with the patients and get information from them and how you show them that you care. A good doctor can get the same amount of information from a patient but in a shorter period of time without compromising their image as a caring doctor.

A good doctor will have pride in what they do, but at the same time feel humble about it and does not look down on their patient.

A good doctor is a patient doctor who can deal with all sorts of people, be it young or old, men and women, all different backgrounds and such; without judging who the patient is. All patient should be treated equally.

A good medical student should know how to be professional idiot, or at least i think so. (mind that once you officially become doctors you cant get away with being a professional idiot)
What i mean to say is, medical student should always be willing to learn and be taught. I sometimes act as if i dont know just so that people would teach me more about it.
I guess there are some people who thinks that they are too good to be a professional idiot, but maybe they are, so good for them. All i'm saying is i make good use of those people so that they will teach me stuff that they know.

So yea, thats all for now..

xx

a ciggie's affair..

2010-10-05T11:02:00.000-07:00

if u know smoking can kill you why do you smoke?
thing is does not kill you.. well, at least not directly.. poison like cyanide can kill you, smoking a cigarette does not.. it increases the risk of other diseases like heart problem, lung cancer, other lung problems, other cancers, etc.. And those diseases will kill you. But then again, everyone do eventually die anyway..
NO, i am not promoting smoking in anyway.. what i'm trying to say is.. if you know something is BAD for you, why do keep on doing it?
its like puting your hand on a hot stove on purpose.. thru logical thinking (and body reflex), you shud avoid doing something stupid like that..
so, WHY?

and when u burn urself, u complain and think that the world is out to get you, that fate is playing around with your life, that you're the most unfortunate person in the whole world. When in reality, it was you who chose to stick out your hand on the stove? when it was you who chose to do it anyway even though you know it was bad for you. It wasnt the world's or fate's fault that you get lung cancer or any other cancer. Wait, it is.. cancer is.. a result of chance isnt it? well, on most part anyway..

what i'm trying to say is, why do something that you know will only result in you being hurt?

so, maybe i dont understand why people smoke, or why people do drug, or why people do the things they do.. But i definitely know that its not fate, you dont buy a cigarette/drug by chance, you dont light up a cigarette by chance, you dont huff and puff cigarette by chance?

Is it really fate's fault that you fell in love with the cigarette?

Ponder upon it real hard.

I probably had something-something with cigarette, but i think, truthfully, we're not compatible.. i am studying to be a doctor, and i am gonna have to tell people not to smoke.. so.. yea, i think at the end of the day.. it will NEVER be a good match..

So, i MOVE on.. to maybe shoes, or bags or crisps or chocolates or any other thing there is..
There's a lot of other things out there.. why settle for a cigarette that will just make me sick..

on the same note, if you do CHOOSE to smoke.. please consider those around you, because you can make them sick too.. 2 words: PASSIVE SMOKING.
Even if you do think that the world revolves around you, remember there are other ppl living in the same sphere.. there are people who might be asthmatic or have other lung problems..

Moral of the story: STOP SMOKING!!

xx

Raya tradition..

2010-09-20T14:13:00.000-07:00

this year is the the 4th time i celebrated raya in London.. its been getting a bit too old..
i'm getting a bit too old.. there's less and less people i know here in London..

i miss the old days.. the way it used to be when it comes to raya times..
Going back to hometowns in Johor. Me driving at night in the Malaysian highways, at 1xxkm/hr.
Stopping at the RnR and buying cold, tinned Nescafe in an attempt to stay awake.

At my grandparents house, we'd all sleep wherever there was space, talking to relatives that i usually see only few times a year. Smelling the delicious food being cooked in the kitchen, trying to help out in the kitchen so that i dont look bad in front of the elders.

In the morning of Raya, first thing to do (after the initial race-who-gets-the-toilet-first) is giving respect to the elder and asking for forgiveness for any wrongdoings, and getting the raya pocket money. Then comes the food..

My favourite food has to be my late grandmother's ayam masak merah, which has to be the BEST dish in the whole world. I have to eat it with ketupat, not with the briyani.. it has to be the ketupat. Lodeh and all is fine.. but the ayam masak merah is a MUST. Also, my auntie's chicken curry, that would be my second favourite dish. Sorry lodeh, curry has just overtake you.. =p

I miss sitting in front of the television with my uncles and aunties while eating Raya breakfast/lunch/dinner while talking empty talks about school/college.

Second day of Raya, is always the visiting relatives day. We would tour around Johor visiting my dad's side of the family. Each place has their own signature dish, like the ayam masak kicap, the custard pudding, the soto.. etc.. One place had rambutan tree outside, and people would gather around the tree and eat rambutan while chit-chatting.

That was 4-5 years ago. How time flies. I have been celebrating 4 years of Raya here in London, away from my family. I try to at least make my late grandmother's ayam masak merah every year, and i shall keep on doing that for the years to come.

This year, its a bit more sad, especially for my father as my grandmother just passed away. I feel sad for my dad, 4 of his daughter is away around the globe (one in Chicago, one in London, and 2 in Japan).. and the one in Malaysia is now a busy accountant.. T_T

Daddy.. please dont be sad, we all miss you and love you very much.. =)

Being so far away from home can be really tough. The toughest part is trying to keep in touch with those back home. I know most of my friends has no problem with that, they probably talk to their family all the time. I have always been like this, its not that i dont miss them, its just that whenever i talk to them, i miss them even more. Being busy is not helping, the time differences, and the fact that i have to keep in track with 3 other different time zones.. (Malaysia, Japan and Chicago) =p

I have class all day, and by the time i get back from Uni, apart from being dead tired, they all wont be online till its way late at night(or early mornings), of which i have already retired to bed because i need to wake up early the next day.

I miss them. I miss my family, i hope i could go back to a time and space where we would all be together, doing things together, just being together, not having to miss each other.

Sometimes, i wonder what the future holds for us all. How we would be when we're all grown up.. hey! i know we're all grown up. I mean, when we all have our own family, when my dad becomes a grandfather, and my mom a grandmother. When we all 5 sisters would probably meet for coffee/lunch/dinner/breakfast/mamak/supper with mini-kakjahs, mini-aishahs, mini-imans, mini-nuruls and mini-hawes.. Is there going to be a time where we would all be together again? Time sure flies, no?

In a blink of an eye, we're all in our 20's. Each making our own decisions about life, each striving to achieve the dream, each flying further away from nest.

xx
Love,
Iman

egg, olive oil and lemon..

2010-08-10T23:40:00.000-07:00

i think i should wash my hair more often.. i just spent one hour washing my hair.. i put lemon juice around the crown of my head where its oily and lather egg whites-olive oil mixture at the ends where its weakened and dry. i then wash it with shampoo and conditioned it with my intensive hair mask (JAMES BROWN hair product are amazing.. and smells heavenly). Finally, i dry it using a blow dryer. Owh, i also cut some ends just because..

now, my hair feels so GOOD!

i wish i had more hair and longer hair.. but i guess i'm grateful i have hair..

Now, on to face.. i currently have 7 active eruptions on my face (acne).. and they're a pain.. one on my right temple, two on right cheek, one in between my eye, one on my forehead, one on my chin (bit to the left) and one along my left jawline.. what do i do with them? i do nothing except my ever so faithful clindamycin gel. does it work? i sure hope so...

last weekend, i stayed the night at Caryn's and the next day we went to Bricklane Market, where i was being kinda like a party pooper since i was kinda tired and there was too many people around.. Anyway, i didnt have my foundation,only my mineral foundation.. i noticed that i had spots.. as in sun spots on my cheek. hyperpigmentation on my cheeks.. freckles on my cheek.. well, its not really the first time i noticed it.. but yea.. i have freckles.. not a bad case but still.. brown spots on my cheek.. -_-

anyway, i'm trying to keep my hair long this time. i havent cut it short in 2 years, ive trimmed it before, but not short, short.. although, i think i ought to get it 'shaped', like a layered cut or something. something that will keep the length but give it a bit more shape?

so thats it for this post..

Love,
iman

public diary, voyeuristic?

2010-08-08T18:05:00.000-07:00

my diary's ending soon.. i mean there's only few pages left.. i'm sad..
it feels like i'm losing a friend.. it has always been there for me..
if i could, i want it to have endless blank pages.. so i can write and write in it for the rest of my life..

alas, its only a book..

i need a new one.. but i want the same one.. where can i find the exact same one.. sighs.. its never gonna be the same..

yes, i grew attached to my stuff.. too attached maybe.. i love every single thing that i buy.. its like i think i gave a lot of thought before buying them.. hmm.. think i would a loyal girl to my boy? ahaha.. i guess that's why i'm too choosy too.. owh well.. whatever..

anyway, my diary is called Ougi. its a pocket journal by Paperblanks. The cover features an image of an antique 19th century japanese lacquer box from the Edo and Meiji era. Basically, its this pretty japanese styled print, and the colour.. owh so pretty.. lilac, dark purple, black and gold.. yes, i'm in love with this thing. the fact that the pages is ending.. i'm sad.. so very sad.. in fact, i stopped writing in it because i dont want it to end..

hmm.. but maybe.. maybe 'it' will be sad if i stopped writing in it.. i mean, maybe, 'it' will be happy if 'it' can end its life with my heart pour..
but at the same time, i want to wait out for something BIG.. something really BIG so that i can put it to rest in full glory, at 'it''s prime..
i mean, i dont want to end 'it''s life with an entry saying
"today i made curry. it was super good!"

anyway, i hav few transitional journals that i'm using.. but they're not exactly diary.. they're the whatever book. now that i think of it.. i used to have a book that i called a 'whatever' book.. u know, in school, they have the brown cover book with the school's badge on it. it has a "subject:" part. yea, i wrote it "whatever"

that's a whatever book..

okay, so far, this blog entry has been about diaries and journals..
so what of my life?

nothing.

.

yep, just a full stop. -_-" *big sigh*

i need to save whatever money i get from mum, which is 200pounds after rents and bills per month. its enough, dont get me wrong.. but really it means that no going out at all. well, not 'at all' at all.. but.. i get so guilty if i go out and spend the money that is not suppose to be spent on having fun.

and when i kinda say money is needed from everything.. i get scolded by my sister saying its not.. that i should go help the REALLY poor and underprivilege..
yea, i guess i'm not poor and underpriviledge.. wait, i am poor, but maybe not underprivilege... on second thot, privilege means special right or advantage.. and i dont think i have any special right or advantage.. in a sense that i think everyone is equally at the same advantage. hmm, i'm NOT underprivilege, but i dont think i'm privilieged too.. well, it gets a bit more complicated, no? things like i might be more privilege in certain areas, and underprivilege in others? like, yea, i'm have a sponsor, but when i think about it, its more like a loan no? MARA is loan right? so its not really that i'm privileged or anything.. i'm really nothing special..
again, i'm not underprivilege, i know.. but at the same time, i'm not more privilege than others no?

okay, so i'm privilege to be alive and well and healthy, but i'm not really the only one am i? considering my circumstances, i'm not really a person who can help others right now? not when i cant even help myself? isnt that too greedy? to want to help others when i dont even have the means to provide for myself? or maybe irresponsible is a much more appropriate term. its irresponsible to want to help others when i cant even help myself.

so yea, sorry for not doing any volunteering work for the REALLY poor and underprivilege.. i REALLY would, if i could. if i had the means to do so.. i dont mean money to give to charity.. i know that money is NOT everything.. i've got time. time is precious, no? time that should, would, could be spent on doing charity work.. thing is, i dont even have the means to go out from the house. i can barely feed myself.. yes, ive got all the time in the world, but in this world, money is needed to go around, to make things right, to do things..

money is not everything in this world, i know..

and i'm not saying it is.. i'm just saying that, it's needed.

***************************************************************************************

wanna see me being psychic.. i know what you're thinking..
you're thinking:

"when there's a will, there's a way"

i get you.. well, i guess, my will is really heavily influenced by my financial status.. my fault.. sorry world.. because of my fault, the world is in more pain because there's one less person helping out..

and yes, the argument will be, one person could make a difference to tip the scale..

and yes, i know i sound very pessimistic and sarcastic.. yes, i somehow have noticed.. but seriously, i'm not being sarcastic.. it was NOT my intent at all.. i really am sorry to the world. okay, so i dont think that it was entirely my fault that the world is suffering, that part was sarcastic.. but i really do feel bad and i really am sorry for not being able to help just because of my own financial demise. i'm sure, no I KNOW that there's a lot more other people out there who's in a more terrible state than i am.. we all got our problems.. i understand.

so, where is this going? i dont know, why are you still reading? i bet its interesting to get into a person's mind, no?

this is exactly what this blog is about.. its what's goin through my head, its instantaneous and spontaneous random thoughts. and so, it is very conflicting, yes, i know. i'm a very conflicted person. the only audience that i expect is myself. i mean, this blog was made for me to read and for others if they wish to. i'm not forcing anyone to read it.. but i do like the fact that its my public diary. its out there, but not really.. know what i mean? no? it doesnt really make sense does it?

anyway,

ciao!

Love,
iman

Pavlov's conditioning

2010-07-25T15:14:00.001-07:00

when you touch a hot plate, you pull away..
its a reflex..
its a conditioned response..

isnt it the same for everything else?

whenever you get hurt, u avoid whatever that hurts you..

is it not like that?

Masked rider~

2010-07-22T13:10:00.000-07:00

if only life has a walkthrough.. wouldnt it be easier?
but then, everyone would get it. everyone would look out for the same thing, and the thing will then be scarce, and then what?
not a good idea now is it?

how do one balance between things? today, when i told my sister bout someone asking for my phone number, her reply was "but, jangan lupe study"

?

*sighs*

i know i may not be the brightest or the most dedicated student.

i know i screwed up before..

but its not i even have a boyfren..

so, what? now, i cant even talk about this kinda stuff at all?

what am i suppose to talk about? "i read this *insert medical info* yesterday, it was interesting. i'm sure its gonna help in my study"

*sighs*

its probably that time of the month.. thats why i'm so cranky just because of something so small like this..

*sighs*

foreseeing the future is impossible.. i know this much..

but its scary isnt it? not knowing.. i guess its probably the same for everyone.

maybe its because i dont think about probable futures (including the bad ones). or maybe its because i think too much about the future?

who knows..

i'm tired.. tired of thinking too much into things. thinking what others might be thinking about. thinking of what to say, what to do. i guess everyone's the same too?

thinking is tiring, no?

why cant we all be made like puzzles? to instantly know whether the other person is your match or not.

why is it that humans are never satisfied with what they have?

why do i have to put on a mask everyday, just to please people and myself?

Claude Cahun once said "Beneath this mask, another mask. I will never be finished lifting off all these faces”

She doubted her own identity, and kept on changing herself whenever she thinks she's someone. To be able to not have an identity, is an identity?

its probably the opposite with me, i kept putting on new mask everytime i think my inner self is being exposed. i'm scared that someone might reach the core of my being.
someone might know me more than i know myself. is there such a person?

somehow, at the same time, i do want to meet such a person.

maybe i'm being unrealistic. yea, thats probably it.

xx

just another update~

2010-06-09T12:59:00.000-07:00

this results is finally OUT!!

and as u might or might not have guessed.. i PASSED!!!!

one step closer to the dream. one cloud nearer to the ground. i mean, one step to the dream becoming a reality.

someone once told me, that my dream.. is too far out of reach. that i'm living on clouds.. that i dont have my feet on the ground.

i dont think anyone has their feet on the ground. i mean, dreams are just one of those little pleasures in life. people are fascinated by their dreams, and other's dreams too.

anyways, i passed. end of story. end of year 2.

before the big battle..

2010-05-22T19:47:00.000-07:00

yet another battle of my life is taking place in about 24 hours..
yes.. its that time of the year already.. FINALS..
i dont know why it is so scary.. it should not be that hard is it?
i dont know..
i dont know what i know and what i dont know anymore..
i'm sure i know more now than i knew last year.. and last year i only failed by a few marks.. meaning, (hopefully) i can do better this year. so what if they know more than me. i only need to pass this year. and i can do it! i can do it! i can do it!
*continues chanting*
its there, all the information is there in my head. if only i can upgrade my filing system to a better version one.. its in dire need of a makeover.

nways, this summer, i plan to NOT go back to malaysia. I'm gonna stay here and study.
and work. and experience the summer here. i'm sure it will do me some good. i need to lose some weight. ive gain almost 10kgs since the start of this academic year.. i just didnt have time to watch what i eat, not to say i eat unhealthily, but rather i eat too healthily.. and my mum is here. its hard to control what i eat when my mum is around and is all too happy to cook for me all the time.

so, this summer, its all about studying, working, and losing weight. if i go back home,i'll be playing around, eating and lazying around.. so, why not..

i'll miss my sisters terribly, but i'll manage.. i mean, my eldest sister managed to survive staying in the US without going back home every year. so, i'm sure i'll manage.

i havent thought about what i wanna work as yet. but i'll do whatever. cleaning lady, waitress, whatever. and if i have spare time maybe i'll do some volunteer work too.

so yea, i'm not too worried about food, since its the least of my concern.. there's plenty of food and its the one thing i can really control, in terms of money. but i do have to pay for rent and the bills. phone bills, electricity, water, and insurance.
i'll try to manage somehow.

xx

this time last year.. =(

2010-05-15T14:47:00.000-07:00

i'm scared shit..

this time last year, how prepared was i? how has time changed me? Some might say that i havent change as much. But what is important is that i know that i have changed. Have i?

Only time will tell.

I definitely know more than i did last year. Or do i? at this point, i'm not even sure myself what i know and what i dont know. i might think i dont know, but actually i might, and vice versa.

i think i'm still traumatised by SAQs. i might not be like those who stay in their room or the library and study all the time, but that just means that my study method is different. its too stressful studying in the library where the atmosphere is filled with 'stressful' aura..

nways, lets hope for the best for everyone! i hope all those who already started exams and those who havent, all do well!!
Lets all wake up on the last day of the exams and said, "yes, i did it!" or better yet, the day after the results comes out~

=)

xx

T_T fat..

2010-05-08T14:15:00.000-07:00

no... no... no...
iman.. no..
i'm currently in my room trying really hard not to yield to temptation..
while the rest of the household is enjoying yet another of my mum's cooking..
macaroni and cheese..
T_T

*cries*cries..

i just cant.. not anymore..
my skinny but comfortable purple fit-like-a-glove carduroy pants are a bit snug now..
it used to be comfortably and sometimes a bit loose too..
but now.. i can feel the button on my bloated stomach..

my mum argues.. well, u dont have to eat..

my head said: but my mum had cooked it for me. all the hard work.. and i know she intends well..
my eyes said: see! she's cooking FOR YOU!!
my stomach said: she's only gonna be here for another month.. you wont be able to eat like this after that..

BUT!!!!!!!

i just cant.. not anymore.. my weight is not stable at all.. even if i eat a little bit more, the scales is going up the roof..

fat,
iman

a worthy student-blog post..

2010-05-02T14:13:00.000-07:00

apparently my blog has been added to the qmmsoc website.. as student blogs. whatta?!
*sighs*
its hardly a student's blog.. its probably 18SG.. hmm.. but then, i'm sure all the students are 18 and over no?
well, its hardly an example.. i think sometimes its probably a bit too personal.. maybe i should make another blog for all the mushy or over-emotional personal stuff..

A WORTHY STUDENT-BLOG POST

Exactly 3 weeks from now, i will face yet another big battle of my life.. one that i had lost once.. am i scared? Hell yeah! am i worried? like duh! am i ready? nu-uh!
but, i will face it the best to my ability..
how was this year different?
i dont really know.. i dont track changes.. although, its has been a very good experience to learn everything all over again.. how many people actually get the oppurtunity and the time to learn a year worth of knowledge twice?
i'm not saying, "go screw the finals and repeat the year"
its certainly not for the faint hearted.. the process, the manipulation, the heartfelt dissapointment, the depression, the acting, the faking, the trying-to-be-strong, the emptiness.. well, what i'm trying to say is.. if you REALLY wanna go down that road, make sure you have good and concern friends and supportive family, and most importantly, heart of steel and passion for whatever is that you're trying to fight for.. not just passion, it has to be your life, and you'd better be prepare to do anything to be alive.. fight with all you got..
its like living at the edge of a cliff.. hanging by a thread.. it challenges your sanity.. balancing the mind and emotions..
cant have too much ego too.. you have to be prepared to accept failure..

DO YOU DARE TO FAIL?

xx

cheery post?

2010-04-29T05:00:00.000-07:00

to a more cheery post..

well, not so cheery.. i have come to a conclusion..
in my past life, i was a black gay guy..
which explains why i attract gay guys and blacks..
whatta? and fate decided to let me be a girl with no attraction to gay or black dudes.. seriously.. NO-NO.. BIG NO..

cheery note..cheery not..
cherry blossoms are soooo pretty.. very pretty..
sunny weather cheer me up too..
and that guy at the cafe.. tall and strong? very nice smile too.. his face kinda reminds me of the face in the Sims2 that i always take for the guys.. aha.. weird?
he's a 9.99 over 10.. the 0.01 is only because i have no idea about him.. i know he's australian (probably).. and that's probably just it.. -_-ll

ahh.. there he is.. he makes great coffee.. or maybe the coffee here is awesome!

i'll try and ask if they need some help over the summer. it'd be really good if i work here no? if i could that is.. the people here are gorgeous.. and i'm not kidding..

i bought a hat? Primark, GBP4.. =)
take that Mr. Sun!! i like you Mr. Sun.. i really2 do.. a lot.. but u always hurt me if i stay too long with you.. i get all red and flushed.. *malu* haha.. but yea.. a hat is nice.. =) its pretty awesome..

what else? exams is in 3 weeks.. -_-ll
stressed.. why? coz everyone around me is stressing out.. and their stress aura is so strong.. =p

xx

change Alice! change!

2010-04-29T04:35:00.000-07:00

i'm really not good at expressing my feelings or thoughts. What i say or try to express always sounds like the opposite.. I dont know why its like that.. its my wrong, but how do i change how i express my feelings? if i try to act out how others would express it, wouldn't that be fake?
i'm a walking contradiction.. i know.. but how the hell do i change that? how do i change my core self, while still maintaining who i am? can i really change and be someone totally different? can i change the core of who i am?
"be more responsible" said my mum.. as if i'm the most irresponsible person in the world. okay, so maybe i didnt go to lectures, maybe i'm not the most responsible person in the world. But, i have my reasons.. my justifications. my sense of responsible are different from her views. So, that makes me irresponsible in her eyes. Okay, so i admit to her, yes i'm irresponsible. then what? she wants me to change? be more responsible? go to lectures? take time more seriously? follow other people's studying pace? stress myself by trying to be someone i'm not?
that's too hard for me. i dont want to be someone else. i have my own pace. i have my own self. one thing that i really hate is faking myself, trying to be someone i'm not. i cant act at all..

so.. what do i do? fake a change because i cant change myself? or be myself and just work as hard as i can?
the answer's pretty clear to me.. i just hope someone could actually understand my point of view. its like i'm talking in an entirely different language. Owh well, she hates the core of who i am, the fact that i'm irresponsible, the fact that i'm a failure, and appatently, i have not realize that all this misfortune is all due to my fault. So, yea, i'm all that and more. if i could write down all the things she thinks i am.. i would.. over the years, she keeps on making up the person who i am. never trying to just really understand me..

well, the list would just go on and on.. i'm tired of trying to convince her otherwise. so, i'll just admit to all. maybe i am the things that she thinks i am. i mean, i am who people thinks i am. I can believe otherwise, but everyone have their thoughts of who i am. some might overlap with who i think i am, but some might differ.

and to be honest. i'm tired.. i'm too tired to try and convince people who i am. Its really up to them to believe it or not. At the end of the day, what is important is that i know who i am.

i'm not gonna chase after rabbits that will only make me fall..

xx
p.S: i'll b making Alice in Wonderland (AiW) reference.. since i havent watch it and i'm currently listening to the OST..

quick update..

2010-04-26T03:58:00.000-07:00

"If i had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense
Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't."

Am i who i am? or am i someone who i'm not?

Dwelling in my own philosophical world is a hobby of mine. Having thinks and thoughts are like living in a world of imagination filled with things that you love and things that you hate..

"In contrary wise, what it is, it wouldnt be. and what it wouldnt be, it would."

So, basically, i'm not a thinker if i am a thinker. I am.. hmm.. it doesnt make any sense anymore..

************************************************************************************

back to reality..

i think my wisdom tooth is finally growing.. but if i'm not mistaken its growing side ways.. so does that mean that i would need some kind of intervention?

on another note, mum has been here for almost a month now and everything seemed to be fine still..

i adore this cafe.. i get my work done almost instantly.. i should have done it sooner.. =)

weather had been great the past week or so.. but today was a bit cloudy? is it the start of something funny? hope not.. LOVE the sunny-ness.. even bought a sunny-hat to protect my face from getting burnt..

L-department is empty as usual.. I dont particularly care anyway.. it's nice to be like this..

Latte is good here.. did i tell you people bout it? it's THE BEST.. and the people here are somehow all gorgeous.. is that a requirement or something?
So far, ive tried the quiche, almond tart, apple pie, pecan pie, lemon cake, choc cake, brownies, custart tart, soups + bread, grilled vege sandwich, and CREAM CHEESE, CINNAMON + HONEY TOAST!! << was GOOD!

xx
iman

whadya think? =)

2010-04-09T14:59:00.000-07:00

this entry's gonna b my..my.. cover..

first up.. Taylor's Jump then fall..

next.. Owl city's Fireflies.. my own rendition.. kinda slower..

Taylor's Our Song, Love Story and Forever and Always respectively

Paramore's The only exception

Soko's Take my Heart

Ingrid's You and I

Beyonce's If i were a boy

White Christmas (i <3 this song)

Anna Nalick's Breath

Another Taylor.. WHite Horse

Autumn Leaves (my rendition..originally a French song called "Les feuilles mortes)

and lots more.. i think i ought to do a poll.. which one is ppl's favourite..

Cinder's step sister

2010-04-08T18:48:00.000-07:00

i'm in L O V E

shit.. its too much.. my heart cant take it..
why does love hurts so much.. especially when its something that i can never have..
i L O V E it so much.. i want to touch it, own it, use it all the time..
was it love at first sight? something like that.. its like i knew it, the first time i saw..

Tell me i can own this.. Please.. Its only 15quid (RM70)..
its my Cinderella shoe.. The perfect shoe.. If i could attach it as part of my feet i would.. Then, i'd have pretty feet all the time..

For a long time, all i had worn was..

I have a giant feet.. I'm more like Cinderella's step sister.. Ugly with big feet.. *sighs* -_-ll
At least, even with all the rags, Cinderella was all pretty.. The step sister had no chance from the beginning..

Anyways.. its alright right? for me to have this? I mean, yes, i know i have quite a collection of shoes already.. but.. but.. i.. never.. never wanna go back to wearing l**f*r*..

xx
iman

of cherry blossoms and choco cake deco..

2010-04-08T14:56:00.000-07:00

its not like i like it.. its like looking at a cake decoration that looks so yummy.. i just want to touch it and eat it.. but i know that its just cake deco..

its like chocolate.. they look delicious, and smells heavenly.. but.. i know deep down that i dont particularly like them.. i only have the urge to eat them once a month..

so, i'm sure this feeling will pass.. like the cherry blossoms that blooms till all the petals fall down to the cold ground.. =)

its a beautiful thing.. cherry blossom i mean.. they bloom even before they grew their leaves.. a tree of just flowers.. small, light pinkish blossoming petals..

apparently my spring/summer colour is teal.. =)
coat checked, shoes checked, nails checked, hair band checked..

pair it up with a red.. red lippie, red shoes, red nails.. perfect..

so yea.. i guess im just being stupid right? i mean, really? i dont think its the matter at all.. it cant be.. i'm just a tad bit too full of myself..

xx
iman

Some philosophical deep stuff.. ~

2010-03-18T16:42:00.000-07:00

so i'm reading a book by Daniel Dennett called Sweet Dreams.. which i think is his thoughts on consciousness..
it brought me into this new world of philosophical consciousness.. i read about Jean Nicod who is a french philosopher whose name was used as a legacy of philosophy of the mind and cognitive science.. its a fascinating new world (wikipedia is the best information tool.. tho some ppl might scrutinise it..)
it made me come across a new term Q U A L I A (qualia). something that i think i can definitely understand.. its like i know what its like.. but i cant describe it. its something that i had thought about countless times before but can never describe it into words.. the nearest thing that i could say is its like the perception of the mind. how the mind perceives it, and how do we know that everyone perceives it the same way or is it any different? like the question "is my 'red' the same as your 'red'?"
my sister answered something to do with the wavelength and such. i guess it makes sense. i guess every humans' retina would function the same way, bringing the 'light/colour' stimulus from the retina to the brain and in the brain the stimulus are processed so that we can 'see'.
But, is that it? is that all there is needed to 'see'?
i guess if human physiology are the same, the mechanism or the process would also be the same and if such, my 'red' would be the same as your 'red'.

~~~~~~

Then, moving on to the next question..
consciousness? The mind.. that little voice at the back of my mind. that voice that sounds so clear (or might not) when i'm reading a book or as i'm typing this out.
Does everyone has it? i found it fascinating when i found out that one of my sister cant imagine. Like if i tell her, okay imagine your way to the grocery store from the house in your head, you'll see the red post box.. she can't.. she just can't imagine. which brings me to conclude, different people have different levels of imagination. some can imagine vividly, and some not so. What makes this differences?
Actually, i'm going off topic going about imagination.
What i meant to say is, does everyone has that little voice at the back of their mind? I know i do, which is why this blog was titled ~inner mind theatre~ my blog has always been this title.. its like the voice inside my head. whatever i write are things that i'm thinking about.
and so, it has been establish that humans (may or may not be only some) have a conscious mind. what makes this conscious? how does a group of cells that makes a tissue that makes an organ that makes a system that makes an individual organism makes up a consciousness? I would say that in theology, or at least in my religion, we believe in souls. Souls are what makes us the organism we are. It is not something explainable by science. It is just Faith.
Ive heard an argument before something about a cat in a box. It was something about quantum physics as well. Something like, lets say a cat is put in a box. No one can see of hear the cat, and the box is impenetrable by any x-rays, heat detector or any kind of known machineries that could prove that the cat is in the box.
There are NO ways to prove that cat is in the box.
So, how can one say that the cat even exist in this universe.
Okay, so maybe it didnt go the way i tell this..
But it does makes sense right? (in my universe it does.. 'my universe'.. hmm another story..)
what i mean to say is, if its something we cant see, feel, touch, hear, and any form of sensory, how can we know its there.

i'm veering off topic again arent i?..

okay, back to consciousness. We are conscious are we not? I dont mean that we are unconscious/asleep/in a coma.. i'm saying we have a mind. We have thoughts, we have something that keeps us together the way we are, something that makes us behave the way we are, talk the way we are, think the way we are, and so on.
So who are we?
Who am i?

Its a constant question that keeps on popping up in my head..

Philosophically.

Identity and Personality.

Religious.

Medical.

Who am i?

niches, fear and trust issues..

2010-03-03T17:24:00.001-08:00

and yes.. it is that time of the month.. not my period.. its time for write-up.. PBL write-up..
it used to be, i used to think, if i had a week to do it, it'll take me a week to finish it and if i had a day to do it, i'll definitely finish it within a day..
that thinking has now made me.. if i have fucking 7 hours to do it.. i WILL finish it in 7 fucking hours.. funny? not really, not when my poor adrenal glands works its ass off to keep me awake and focused so that i get it all done..
*hate referencing..*

exams are near too.. am i scared? U betcha.. I fucking scared that right now that right I cant even think.. I don’t want to mess it up again.. I just cant.. CANT.. where is the old me? The one who would work her ass off to get an A.. to prove to people that she’s not just lucky to get the grades.. to prove that it was hardwork.. to prove that im worthy of this niche that ive acquired after all this years..

im scared.. ironic? i dont think i seemed like someone who would be scared.. i dont think people would actually believe me if i said im scared. maybe because i myself dont believe that i'm scared.. but i am.. i'm terrified.. what am i scared of? everything.. of failing.. of falling.. of being alone.. of dissapointing people.. of living.. yes, im terrified to live this life.

i have trust issue.. i seem to either trust someone too much or not trust someone at all.. and it seems that i probably dont even trust myself.. how can i make myself believe in myself? how can i trust myself?

i think i'm a bad person. not the worse kind, but not the nicest either. and for some reason, i dont think i want to change that right now. i might not be the nicest, but im sure it'll be fine.. i'm not perfect, and guess what? i dont want to be perfect. i want to be the best that i can doing things that i want to, but i'll admit, i'm not perfect.

well, this is quite a lot of sh*t from me today.. i will stop this rambling..

xx
Iman
p.s: my eyesight is getting worse.. -_-ll

its just chemicals..

2010-02-22T19:36:00.000-08:00

i dont know what else to think..
its tiring.. life that is..
why do i feel so bad doing something that everyone keeps on doing to me?
dont they feel bad too?
i feel bad, but what can i do.. i had to do it..
it was a tough decision.. but its the only thing that i could do..
i'm really sorry.. i'm sorry to everyone..
please forgive me..
[ok, this may starting to sound like a suicide note or something..]

i feel sad.. that i cannot deny.. but maybe its just something hormonal..
thats it.. blame it on the hormones.. but is it really because of the hormones?
but then again, all emotions and feelings are just chemical changes in the body, is it not? sadness, anger, and all other negative feelings trigger stress hormones.. while all the good feeling triggers the pleasure hormones.. see? emotions are just chemicals..

can i really be as emotionless as spock? or whts his name? tht guy from star trek.. or more like the whole race in star trek.. okay, how lame can i get.. referencing from star trek?? =P

xx

life..

2010-02-18T17:48:00.000-08:00

my head feels heavy. lack of sleep. i cant seem to concentrate doing anything.

it finally occured to me, all i needed all these times was a little dose of family. talked to my sister yesterday and that boosted my energy for the whole day. instantly improve my mood, made me more determined and active, made me more optimistic about things. made me do things that i need to do.

so it was good.

i like how my and my sisters have the same wavelength. she understands exactly what i meant, and i get exactly what she is trying to say. i love them! =)

i dont know whether saying 'ive been busy' really is what im trying to say. on one hand, everything seemed to move on so fast, that i am kind of busy with all sorts of things. but on the other hand, sometimes i find myself frozen and stuck, like i want everything to stop, and i want to stop thinking about everything. and in those moments, i find myself lost in a black space. in an emptiness.
and when i snap back to reality, everything seemed to have moved on, and it gets busier and busier. i need to breathe.
breathe.
breathe.
in..
out..

and now, continue..

personality? mine? ~

2010-02-01T16:46:00.000-08:00

one of my good fren did this personality test here..
so i thought id give it a try.. the results?
i think its scarily true.. what i mean to say is that it sounded so much like the truth that it scares me..

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

~~~~~
Well, at least from my point of view, everything seems true.. i cant even deny one fact from it..

On another note, i havent actually rant much these days.. i've been doing it manually these past few weeks.. too busy to write in blogs.. all are safely written in my pocket..

xx

memories..

2010-01-25T15:45:00.000-08:00

the song kept on playing on repeat..
like the falling leaves that turn golden every year..
i stare out the window, watching different people walking and living their different lives. What is their story? I wondered.

it is said, time moves relative to the memories you make.
Have you ever wondered why time seems to passed by very slowly when you were smaller? and that now that we're older, time seem to pass really fast?
that is because, as a child, we lay down a lot more memories. good ones, bad ones, sad ones, happy ones.. and life seems more fulfilling. time seems more well spent.
As we grow older, we get so busy, we forget to lay down those memories. we simply ignore the relevance of making memories as we chase after our dreams, career, love.. happiness..

Memories.

Is basically just a bunch of synapses formed in the brain as it records the sensory input we get everyday of our lives.

Something as simple as that, somehow makes up for who we are.

Who are we? Who am i?

What am i without my memories?

I am who i am from all the memories that i have gathered all my life

Now, imagine someone who slowly and yet progressively looses his/her memories. Someone who are loosing parts and pieces of their lives, and without even realising it. Slowly. Forgetting the happy times. Forgetting the sad times. Forgetting the people the love. Forgetting everything.

Slowly.

Forgetting.

~
Alzheimer's disease is a sad and painful disease. Not just to the patients but to everyone around them too..

Make lots of memories because they matter..

to the future..~

2010-01-24T14:43:00.000-08:00

to the future..

what does the future hold for me?
will i get to be that person i long to be?
will i get to live the way i want to live?
will i get to wake up in the morning and say "yes, ive made it to my destination?"

My destination right now? To chase after my dream of becoming a doctor..
Will i ever make it to my destination? only time will tell.

How was my journey so far? 22 years of wondering around this boxed up world, being told what to do and where to go most of the time, and given choices of which the decisions were already made..

22 years. Thats a long time. What will i be like in another 22 years? I have no idea. Although, i do hope its way better and hopefully at that time i will still have the same amount of faith and hope that i have now. i hope i will still be blindly hopeful of the goodness of this world.

My 2 wishes of my 22nd birthday on the 22nd January 2010:
- to pass this year's examination
- to be a good person and have a great year.

xoxo
iman

meyer pink shoe.. =)

2010-01-19T10:21:00.000-08:00

things can only get better right? yea, i think its safe to think that..
i'm gonna look forward.. just keep on going, come rain, come sunshine.. i'll face whatever life throws at me..
and now, i shall throw myself to reading the bunch of journals.. =P

xx

...

2010-01-17T11:15:00.001-08:00

away with the whole l o v e stories..
as life progresses other stories starts to pop up..
good ones, bad ones, terrible ones..

as much as i like stories, somehow when i'm the victim..
i just feel weirdly sad and a bit upset..
i dont want to be the victim..

and somehow, the timing seems so wrong..
as if i'm the boy who cried wolf.. (well, girl who cried sale..)

owh well, at this point, when life seems to throw all these things at me, all i can do accept it..

I

Simple yet complicated..

2010-01-10T18:13:00.000-08:00

As i'm writing the pathophysiologies of multiple sclerosis, a thought kinda hit me..
well, not really hit, it wasnt that dramatic really, just an occcuring thought..
do people have to fall to be in love? is it like a sudden thingy, that just makes you feel all giddy and warm-on-the-inside? or is it something deeper?
the mechanism of love? the question everyone is trying to answer.. is it hormonal? neuronal? logical?
can i make someone fall heads over heels for me?
but would that be love?
what is LOVE? the four letter word that people keep on talking about?
do people actually know what love is?

i think love goes on to another level of understanding. much deeper than any book or therapies can tell you. cant be describe using plain words..
Love is complicated yet simple..

Well, i guess.. Love is simple, but the path to it is long, complicated and intricated..

How does one find love? or is it, how does love find one?

*deep thoughts*

xx

Love Currency

2010-01-07T15:55:00.000-08:00

if love is a currency in this world, dont you think this world might be a better place to live in? greener grass, sunshines and rainbows, love is in the air and everywhere..
=)

l o v e . show it, share it, love it!~

xx
Iman

Chapter 3 The Game

2010-01-05T14:59:00.000-08:00

Dear avid readers,

I used to think love should be all honesty and no-games. No needing to read between the lines. However, now i finally understand why there you must play according to the rules. Especially when everyone is playing by the rules. I mean, when everyone is playing but you, you will sound crazy or do things that seems crazy. Out of the norm.

xx
I

In any games, there are bound to be rules, or ways of how to play the game. These set of rules are there to make sure everyone gets a chance to have a go at the game. And when you dont follow these rules, you get a red card and have to leave the game. Sometimes, the penalty is that you have to start from square one.

Recently, i've tried to play by my own rules, doing things of how i think should be done and saying things that i thought should be said. But, in the end, i found myself playing all alone.

And as soon as i change my gameplay and follow the norm, i get a response. And now, i'm in the game. And, as long as i want to stay in the game, i have to follow the norm and play by the rules.

And i guess, whenever, if i find myself not wanting to play the game, all i have to do is stop following the rules and find an excuse for myself. Which is still the rule of the game, but rule on how to end the game. If he is still playing after i stop following the rules, i guess i can always act crazy and spoilt and bitchy so that he hates me. It easier to make someone hate you than to make someone fall for you. Or is it?

xx

2009-12-30T14:54:00.000-08:00

(chapter 2 continues..)

Dear avid readers,

Mr No-nickname-yet is now Mr Chocolate
and
Mr Humour is Mr Wants-a-fling

xx

Mr Chocolate

Okay, so Mr No-nickname-yet turns out to be a quite a nice guy who likes chocolate apparently. He had mocha and a chocolate muffin (had to buy the muffisn to pay a minimum 5pounds using card). I had so much fun talking to him, genuinely fun. Meaning, i was really being myself and having good ongoing conversation. It might be about random stuff, but it was a good conversation for a blind date.

I even feel sorry for the banker since, i was just so nervous about the whole thing that i didnt really talked much.. I'm sorry Mr Banker. I hope you're doing fine.

Anyway, so far, Mr Chocolate seemed really nice, and surprisingly handsome. And tall. Really tall, well not too tall. But nice and tall. I like tall guys. He's just the right height.. =)
And he was wearing glasses. I seemed to like guys with glasses. Well, the type that usually dont wear them, but wears them sometimes. I thought it was just the banker who looked extra hot with the glasses. Then Mr Choco turns up with the glasses. I blame Kyouya sempai.. =P
I thought i'd probably never go for asian guy, but he's half dutch (Mum's from Belgium)
and somehow, not that bad. Pretty cute. Totally someone i'd be attracted to. Nah, Maybe. Just maybe.

Mr Wants-a-fling

On to previously known as Mr Humour, i think he just wants to get laid. Again, most of it is just my instinct from what he has said. But, I have quite a good gut feeling. My gut feeling is telling me he's probably the big-headed-jerk kinda guy.. My magic glass ball is telling me he's a jerk t be. He didnt do anything wrong or definitely was not being a jerk at all. He was really nice and all. Just a bit too young for me, and probably too short..

Just a date..

Mr No-nickname-yet & Mr Humour

2009-12-30T06:37:00.000-08:00

(chapter 2 continues..)

"-him-: I wna meet u so let me no if u can and i'll tell my mate i cnt"

"-me-:Sorry.. too much info?
-him-: why is he not very good looking
-him-: that's okay i wna no wht i'm up against"

Dear avid Readers,

Is meeting two guys in a day too much? I mean, its just over drinks. Nothing much, it's just to get to know them. Its not like a proper 'date'.. Its just a meet-up. Right?
What ever it might sound like, don't worry. Both of them know that i'm meeting up with other people as well. Both of them seem to think i'm pretty i think.. Of which i do have my doubts.

xx

Mr No-nickname-yet seemed pretty interesting. He seemed like the person who's gonna worry about everything. He likes down to earth girls and hate materialistic girls. And well, even when i said i was materialistic, he says lets just meet up and see if he minds me being materialistic. Well, since this is pre-meet-up notes, i can't really say any more than already been said. I'll let you readers know after i meet him.

Anyway, Mr Humour is probably a year younger than me.. which i think is a bit of a turn off, but he says he's pretty matured. He jokes around a lot. But, since i dont really know him that well, sometimes i can't really tell whether it was a joke or not. He sounds alright, and he sounds like he's really interested, unlike Mr.Banker, who just seemed really uninterested most of the time. So, maybe it'll be okay. Maybe.

We shall see. Okay. I'm off to get ready.

Hope you readers is excited to read more about them.

(to be continued..)

Chapter 2

2009-12-29T19:52:00.000-08:00

"hey Just for you to think if you were interested because of the hair style or some specific looks then let me tell you i keep on changing my style, so just to get you clear about myself (lookswise). all are me in different hair styles and locations...ok so now if you only liked one specific look then it will be easier for you to take a decision.

-him-"

********

Dear avid Readers,

I am a very shallow person who prioritize looks over personality. Meaning, to me looks is first before personality. Of course there must be compatibility and attraction from both sides, but if i had to choose between a guy who have looks but no personality or a guy with personality but no looks, i'd most probably choose the hotter guy..

xx

Well, that is before i actually met a guy with no personality. Or probably has a personality but didnt shine through when meeting for the first time. He might have a really nice personality, but was really shy when with strangers. Or probably his shyness is his personality, which i find quite adorable.

But, you may never know, if the personality really shines through at the first meet, i might feel more comfortable to fall for the guy.. does that make any sense?

Personality versus looks.. I guess, it really depends, having no personality is probably okay if its just the initial shyness. Which i think is probably the case in most people. But, if he has terrible personality and is quite simply a jerk, then i'd probably change my mind.. But, i wouldn't go out with someone who i dont find attractive. That's just who i am, to me physical attraction comes first before love and emotional attraction. He might not be the hottest guy, but if i do find him a bit attractive or cute, i'll give it a try. And really sorry to say, if i dont find him attractive, i'd never even consider. (Probably, if he is UBER-SUPER-RICH and taller than me.. then maybe, just maybe).

It might sound harsh and shallow, but really, i'm looking for my so-called, other half.. I have to be honest with myself, and go with someone who is perfect for me. He might be out of reach or such a person might not exist, but i still have to give it a try. It might sound like i'm discriminating, but its not like i'm choosing an employee or something, i'm looking for someone i'm probably gonna share my whole life with. I think i have the right to NOT choose someone based on my personal preference. And also, with attractiveness, beauty really lies in the eye of the beholder. I might not find a guy attrative, but some girls might find them attractive.

Anyway, after the date with the typical banker who was either shy or has no personality, my story continues with another date with a guy who thinks i'm particular about origins and looks. Of which i am particular, but its not like i wouldn't give him a try. I have my reasons (very solid one) why i'm particular about looks and origin, but its not like i would not try dating a guy who probably is not my type. If he seems like fun, i might give it a try.
-IT'S JUST A DATE, for god sake..

It's probably partly my fault the date with the typical banker turned out to be how it turned out to be. S said that i should have made the first move if i wanted some things to happen, because he was probably trying to be polite and not want to force me to do things that i did not want to do. Also, i thought, probably i kind of gave him the wrong impressions by my way of dressing. LBD with killer-red lipstick is probably an overkill. I should have stick to the innocent-pink lippie and a more casual wear.
And i, being a complete beginner to dating, probably should have get to know more about him first before really going out on a date. It is probably a bit easier to be friendly through emails/text than in face-to-face.

So yes, i have learnt my lesson, i shall play it nicer by not wearing my red lippie, and wear a more casual clothes. And dont think too much of how he might think. Just be myself and say what ever. It might not make sense, but hey, who cares. If he doesnt like my taradiddle then he can just choose not to go out with me ever again.

Okay, so i'm not going to over thinking everything. I'm sure everything's going to be just fine. I mean, it is - JUST A DATE~

(to be continued)

The typical Banker

2009-12-28T14:54:00.000-08:00

(Chapter 1 continues..)

The typical banker.

Dear avid Readers,
I don't really know how a typical banker is, this is just how a typical banker looks like in my inner mind theatre. I might be totally wrong, partially correct or neither, so don't take it too personally.
Bankers, in my head, wears suits most of the time, works with numbers presumably at a bank, have holidays on Bank holiday (today!), *lets leave the bad parts out for today*
So, how are they on a date?

xx

So, things that kinda made me think, "aha, typical banker.." are:
- He works at a bank
- He lives on his own in an apartment near Canary Wharf
- He goes to the gym often, eats healthy, takes good care of his health (and skin..)
- His toilet is full of brands like Clinique for men, Molton Brown, and even SK-II
- He admits to using women moisturizers sometimes
- He admits to having more perfume than some women (though he probably can't beat me..)

Okay, so probably the last few points did not really point to him being a banker. But, i think bankers or probably in more general, office workers (white-collar workers), do tend to take care of themselves better.

The date.

Good choice of restaurant, really good food, 8 out of 10. Nice person in general. A bit quiet, or probably thats just me. I did enjoy myself, but i think it could have been better. Probably i wasnt being too friendly, but its my first time, i have NO IDEA what to say, when to say, how to say.. I probably did look a bit like a retard or something. He probably didnt understand half of what i was saying. But, i'm sure he could have tried a little bit more.

Conversation.. Hmm.. i have to give 4.5 out of 10. It was alright, but there was quite a few silences.. awkward moments? Like seriously, how does one end the date? does the girl do that or the guy? Is there some sort of secret signals that i should know about? like if the guy wants me to leave.

Him? So far, i'd say a typical 5-ish.. He's nice and well-off, but seriously, he probably needs to be a bit more gentlemen-ish.. I mean, yes, i did took out my money to pay for the food, but traditionally, it would have been 10times better if he had refused it politely and picked up the tab. I mean, he did pay it using his card, why still want my cash? I mean, i didnt mind paying, but really? Truthfully, he was being a bit awkward.. I dont know why, maybe he did try? But i'm not sure what he was trying to do really? The date felt.. empty? I can see he probably has potential, but i think..
the honest, cold hard truth, is the Behrendt rule

"He's just not that into you"

Chapter 1

2009-12-27T19:17:00.000-08:00

Sure jamies italian at 5pm in canary wharf. That ok?

Sent from my iPhone

On 27 Dec 2009, at 01:23, -me- @hotmail.com wrote:

Time? And where do we meet?

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device
From: R < -him- @googlemail.com>
Date: Sun, 27 Dec 2009 01:08:36 +0000
To: -me- @hotmail.com< -me- @hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: Reply to your ad: date wanted (tall caucasian)

Monday night?

Sent from my iPhone

On 27 Dec 2009, at 01:06, -me- @hotmail.com wrote:

Yea, sure. When?

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device
From: R < -him- @googlemail.com>
Date: Sat, 26 Dec 2009 14:40:17 +0000
To: -me- @hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Reply to your ad: date wanted (tall caucasian)

Hey Iman, thanks for your reply. How about dinner in the wharf?

Sent from my iPhone

********

And so, here's to the curtains of my story finally unfolding!~

Dear avid readers,

I know some of you might be wondering what the hell this post is about..
Well, guess what? I'm too lazy to tell you the whole shenanigans, the whole history of how it came to be, the whole big picture. Its probably going to make it into the hot gossip over a cup of coffee (just one), but i'm pretty sure thats gonna be just it.

How will this story unfold? I have no idea, i might be the writer, but fate and fairy tales is not on my side. Dare i hope for something magical? Something spectacular? OR should i prepare for the worst? Overthink every aspect of it and probably ruin the whole night?

For some odd reason, it feels like going to the exam hall, with very little preparation. But the thing is, with this kinda thing, its better if you go with your instinct than going with the sample question's answer. Better be yourself than follow other's advices and then get stuck on awkward situations.

I'm scared and nervous. That i might fail this exam, that i might screw up, that i might ruin the whole thing, that i might just..

I know its better not to imagine anything, not to expect anything and just plainly go with the flow. If i start to imagine things, then i start to have expectations, and with that i'll get dissapointed.

IT'S JUST A DATE, FOR GOD SAKE.. ~

Story begins here..
********

He sounds just like any ordinary guy out there, his picture seems just like any ordinary guy out there. I have no idea who he is or what does he do. All i know is that he's living in central london and went to Ireland to see his family over Christmas.

It was really weird, how short our email conversation are, no introduction- just straight to the date. He ask me out on a date, i said okay, he suggest dinner, i said where and what time, he said Jamie's Italian at 5pm and i said alright. Short and simple. No introduction to who we are, what we do, where we live, our favourite things to do. Just 2 strangers meeting up for a nice dinner(hopefully) and get to know each other. How i wish everything can be this simple.

I've never been in a relationship before, probably been in love once (if one-sided counts), and NEVER been on a date before. Not a real one, not a fake one, not even in my dreams. I have no idea what the rule of the games are, what i should expect and everything really. I do know how to stay safe though, its something you learn after being single and independent for 2 years in London. But, dating? Nil! Zilch! No experience at all, i dont even know how to flirt (as S has quite crudely told me). What if i break the rules? What if i seem so clueless and retarded instead of cute and innocent? I'm definitely not the cute and innocent type, that's for sure.

Quite frankly, how does one break it to the other person, of how inadequate my dating skills are, or the lack of it. Do i even tell them? Or do i pretend to be a pro, then only break it to them when we finally are together (if ever). Would that be much more cuter way of doing it?

I'm restless about what clothes to wear, what shoes to wear, what time should i arrive? What do i do when i arrive at the restaurant? How do i greet him for the first time? Am i just over thinking everything?

I dont want to overdress or underdress. I dont want to look too old for my age, or too young for my age. I dont want to look too formal or too casual. I dont want to wear something uncomfortable or something that just screams "effortless-chic-wannabe-but-actually-looks-sleazy.."

I'm always late for everything, but i'm pretty sure it's very rude to be late when i'm meeting them for the first time. So, should i be early instead? Or maybe i should just arrive early and have like a cup of coffee somewhere before.

Okay, so i'm definitely over thinking everything. I'm sure everything's going to be just fine. I mean, it is - JUST A DATE~

(to be continued)

wishful thinking..~

2009-12-16T18:25:00.000-08:00

2009 is ending in less than a month now.. and somehow, yet again, my love story didnt happen.. its not like i'm waiting for an epic love story.. i just want one tiny unimportant piece of love story thats a side story.. u know, the one they add just to make the main character pops out even more.. like how a side of potatoes would make the turkey main dish more tantalizing..

Eventho its a question i, myself dread, i really have to ask, why? is it because i didnt look for it hard enough? or is it because my intention was wrong? maybe he got the wrong address? i'm too plain? i'm too dense? he's too dense? ['he' is not a someone, just refers to a person/persons who in the future might appear.. or not..]
or maybe its because the other piece of my puzzle just doesnt exist?

Basically, another year gone by without any progress in the L-department.. I think i should just give it up.. Although, there is still about 15 days till 2010.. and about 35 days till i turn double two.. maybe, just maybe there's still hope? dare i wish for cupid to finally knock on my door? or is it just wishful thinking?

xx
iman

kena hempap..

2009-12-14T09:49:00.000-08:00

i had a dream last nite..
of being 'pushed' by some 'thing'
yup.. scary.. but somehow.. well, not so much..
nways, it was kinda scary in the dream, coz i couldnt scream.. couldnt do anything..

nways, i think.. its that time of the month.. not my period..
the time before that.. or maybe its the holiday season.. the cold weather..
so, i shall now start indulging myself to some relationship complaints.. more like the lack-of it.. so people, if u dont want to read some stupid shit.. stop reading after the dotted line..

................................

okay, so like yea.. the cold winter season has kicked in full blast.. its getting colder and colder.. and as a hot blooded mammal.. i do feel like i need to snuggle beside another hot thing too.. hopefully, its a hot guy and not the hot water bottle..
its tiring waiting for prince charming to come.. i dont know how cinderella does it.. maybe coz she has a fairy god mother.. snow white and sleeping beauty was asleep.. so i guess they had it easy.. if only i could just sleep and some hot prince charming will come and rescue me.. eurgh.. as sweet as it does sound.. life aint that easy..
so, whats it gonna take? i dont mind a few mr. wrongs before finding the one.. i mean, i'm still 21.. can i still think like that.. i'm just 21.. can i just wanna have a little bit of fun.. before finding the right one.. but i guess, if the right one has finally decide to show himself.. tht'd be good too.. i wouldnt mind tht.. but really.. where the hell are u? why is it so hard for u to come and knock on my door? or wave at me in the tube? or smile at me when i'm walking down the street?
probably i'm asking too much.. i think i need to chill.. but how can i chill? i'm 21 and never had a boyfriend before.. its sad.. i'm sad.. eurgh..

thats why i just want someone right now.. doesnt matter who.. well, it does actually.. i mean, i dont hav anyone in mind.. but i am picky.. i really might end up.. asking some stranger whether they want to be my boyfriend.. =P
maybe not.. hmm.. but then again, if that is what it takes.. maybe..

xx

of many-many things..

2009-12-08T17:49:00.000-08:00

Denial: failure to acknowledge an unacceptable truth or emotion or to admit it into consciousness, used as a defence mechanism..

I'm trying to deny something.. But maybe, its just me being melodramatic.. i mean, i think i'm seldom the drama queen.. or is it just me? mayb i think i'm not being dramatic since i dont actually hear ppl gossip bout me.. but isnt that just it, ppl WONT be gossiping about me infront of me.. so.. maybe ppl ARE gossiping bout me, just that i dont know it.. so, am i being gossiped? am i a drama queen? u tell me.. =P

nways, this feelings.. i mean, this thing that i'm trying to deny.. i dont know.. maybe i'm just being desperate.. maybe i am just over thinking it.. maybe its nothing more than just a fleeting thing.. but thing is.. when it happen the first time around.. i deny it, then all of a sudden, i fell into the lake.. got wet.. and went back home cold and wet..
so maybe, i shouldnt deny it.. but then, if i dont, would i make a fool of myself? again, like last time.. hmm.. but then again, i've always made a fool of myself.. i've did it a few times in my whole lifetime.. 3 to be exact.. like really2 stupid.. i still cant believe myself that i would even think to do something like that.. dont worry, its nothing seriously bad or anything, just purely idiotic..

so, back to the question.. i was thinking maybe i should pre-maturely prevent anything from happening, by really2 closing all doors and windows.. seal it shut.. or maybe i should really find an alternative.. FAST..

or.. maybe i shud take a dip.. just for a taste.. casually.. just playing on the shallow end of the ocean.. not to swim or anything, just playing with the water.. so i wont get all wet and cold..

Hmm..

in the end, i'm still very much torn in this dilemma..

denial?

maybe..

xoxo

kiss love goodbye..

2009-11-30T17:21:00.000-08:00

just a kiss? ~

love~hope~peace

my 3 little BIG wish.. =)

Just a kiss~original song by me

2009-11-30T11:42:00.000-08:00

Iman & Felix proudly present..
"Just a kiss"..
nothing in particular behind the song..
the story goes, a guy, cold and heartless, telling a girl.. it was nothing but a kiss.. u're just one of the many girls that i liked..
the girl was hurt, but then realize that she actually just sympathize the guy whose heart is ice-cold.. she just thought that maybe she can warm up his heart.. it was just her own selfishness.. in the end, she too realize.. it was..
just an empty kiss..~
xx
iman

dearly departed..

2009-11-27T17:05:00.000-08:00

you were always there beside me..
comforted me when i'm worried..
let me hold you when my hands empty..
always there when i reached out for you..
tho u had hurt me few times, you're still in my heart..
i loved you so much..
your other half is also missing you very much..
he's been all alone without you..
we both are..
please do come back to me..
where ever you are..

dearest earring..

why did you have to leave me all alone?
why did you leave and left the other side..

xx
sad iman

just a bit of thinking..

2009-11-25T18:23:00.000-08:00

what is the secret of life?

what is the purpose of life?

what is life?

what makes someone alive?

The first 3 question will be left to be pondered further..

What makes someone alive?
Some people believe pain; pain is the proof that they're alive. Some people say to be alive is to do things as if you're gonna die tomorrow. Some people just think anything that is breathing and have metabolic functions is alive. -to have a purpose, -to achieve the greatest success, -to be a part of something bigger.

Is there a correct answer to this question? Quite a rhetorical question really.

xx

Moving on to the next topic.. Diversity..

I had a group session to discuss about diversity. Now, diversity, in my opinion, is just having a range of different types of something, be it food, people, anything really.
And, of course one of the most important issue concerning diversity in the world right now, is of course the people. Humans.

Everyone around the world differs from one another, be it small difference or worlds apart. Skin colour, eye colour, language spoken, origins, genetic makeup; just to name a few factors that can differ. There is a diverse types of people out there. But, what is the one thing that everyone have in common? What is the one 'country' that everyone is apart of? What is the one place EVERYONE can call home?
Earth. Our world.

Everyone is people of the Earth, sharing the same 'nationality' or probably 'worldlity'? 'worldity'?

Everyone is a part of this earth we call home. As one entity, a big family.

Yes, we are DIFFERENT from one another. We have different background, different skin colour, different eye colour, speaking different language, eating different food, different religion, and everyone has their own unique DNA makeup.

But, instead of focusing on ALL these difference, why cant we focus on the similarities. Why cant we all really appreciate that we are all breathing the same air living under the same sun, looking up at the same blue sky.

Why cant we all share a part of earth without fighting and killing. I guess maybe its human nature to want to outdo the other. To want to control everything. To want to monopolize everything. To want to be the BEST.

Well, not to say that all these is bad, its probably the driving force so that people move forward and work hard and achieve as much as possible. I guess, if everyone is passive and happy, no one would take responsibility to improve.

So i guess, i'm back at the eternal question.. which comes first, the chicken or the egg?

The loop or cycle of life.. Well, i guess like everything in life, there needs to be an equilibrium. The hard part would be how to maintain that balance. What are the buffers needed to make sure everything is in balance?

*****brain meltdown*****

nothing good happens after 2am.. i guess HIMYM was right..

xx
iman

another day.. another milestone..

2009-11-24T17:46:00.000-08:00

its 1.42am Wednesday 25th November..
just finish doing 3 more CardioResp PBL (Angina, Heart Failure and DVT)
things are going so much better than last year, where i only started studying for an exam the day before the exam..
i'll be taking a night bath and then sleep before waking up tomorrow morning for an 8am lecture..
*note to self: get a life when blog entry starts to sound like a scientific observation of date, time, whats happening now, how it used to be, and future action.. -_-ll*

owh..
MILESTONE ENTRY
24th November 2009
Iman drew blood from 5 (or more) patients who needed their blood sample taken at their GP surgery that Iman was attached to for her EPC module. It was quite nerve-wrecking with the only thing to calm my nerves was my own thoughts saying "its just piercing the skin with a needle at a low angle and poke deep enough (quite shallow) just to enter the vein.. and while trying to hold the needle still in the vein, use the vacutainer to draw the blood"..
yea, sounds easy.. well, it was.. the only thing was is that I (ME) like to do it the way i want ppl to do it to me.. I would want the person doing it to me as less painful as they can.. So in my head, i was too caught up thinking ways to make it less painful, i (sometimes) get distracted while actually doing it..

NOTE TO SELF: Dont think too much about it.. less thinking, less distraction, less pain and less time.. =)

Comment: it was damn exhilarating.. my adrenaline just shot up.. =)

xx
iman

the vamp and the little doggie.. =)

2009-11-20T17:34:00.000-08:00

still think long hair on guys are hideous.. not many ppl can carry it off..

so please chop it off..

for a moment there, my heart was shaken between the vamp and the werewolf..

the moment tht clean cut werewolf comes out to the screen.. my heart froze.. =)

owh well, let see who comes in my dream tonight..

xx

p.S: nak emo jap.. AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! cis tol.. i understand lar some ppl.. tp.. why everyone????? *RAWRRRR!!!*

still..

2009-11-18T17:49:00.000-08:00

I still like Nate Archibald.. Chase Crawford..

xx

pressure turning me on..

2009-11-17T18:12:00.000-08:00

everything is still in its awesome-ness state.. =)
the pressure is up.. and the pressure is turning me on..
hmm.. that sounds kinda wrong.. =P
peeps.. iman is talking bout studying yer kanak-kanak..

********

saw Nick Vujicic motivational video just now.. it was brilliant.. the best..
to rephrase what he said.. if u fall down, then the only thing u can do is try to stand back up.. Also, behind every thing that happens, there is a purpose.. Just wait long enough for the purpose to be revealed to you..
It gave me such a warm feeling.. i like motivational stuff..
so, now i'm the mood to do all sorts of volunteering things.. i'm thinking of doing something over Christmas..

*******

thats all folks..

xx
iman

Mr Choo and Mr Lagerfield..

2009-11-17T08:15:00.001-08:00

with the ecomonic crisis, it seems all designers juz cant resist going.. cheap.. =P
H&M is taking the initiative by endorsing the cheap collection from JImmy Choo and Karl Lagerfield it seems..

2009-11-13T04:33:00.001-08:00

first week of class was awesome!

xx
iman

White Horse~

2009-11-08T19:05:00.001-08:00

i'm liking this song by taylor..
owh well, what can i say, i like my horse to be white, thank you~

innEr miNd tHeatRe~*o_0*~